There are two kinds of Christmas parties: the workplace party, and every other party. There are two kinds of office parties: those with alcohol and those without. The kind without is usually just something to endure. Mine always took place during work anyway, so I was working while partying. The kind with alcohol is risky in that you may either have to live with everyone’s memory of your behavior or look for another job. You can’t win. There is an upside... a workplace gift exchange is the perfect place to regift. Everyone does it, so don’t expect to bring home anything great. But you can regift that for your family!



The Office Christmas Party

Chris at Death by Children knows how to throw a Christmas party!

America's worst office Christmas parties, gifts, and bonuses.

What did your company give you for a Christmas bonus? Farkers answer.

Corporate Christmas Party Characters. Which are you?

Avoid Ending Your Career at the Holiday Party.

Hale McKay is still trying to live that one office Christmas party down!

How to choose gifts for holiday office parties.

How will your company ruin Christmas? Some of the responses are here.

11 Signs You're Getting Too Old to Party.

You’ll be the belle of the ball in this chocolate dress! (via Fark)

Office Holiday Memo

To     All Employees
From   Management
Subject Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1.  Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.

2.  Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)

3.  Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."

4.  Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.

5.  All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.

6.  Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

OFFICE PARTY APOLOGY

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a "dirty son of a bitch" to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office Christmas Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today and as this is my last day, I'd like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking to everyone personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and dumb whenever I try to talk to you.

First, to our dear and beloved boss, I am sorry for all the things I called you Friday afternoon. I'm very much aware that your father is not a baboon, nor your mother a Chinese whore. Your wife is a delightful woman, and my story of you buying her for 50 cents in Tijuana was strictly a figment of my imagination. Your children are undoubtedly yours too. About the water cooler incident, you'll never know how badly I feel about it, and I hope you didn't hurt your head when they were trying to get the glass jug off.

To Mary, I express my deepest regrets. In my own defense, I must remind you that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the stairway as much as I did until the bannister broke and we fell eight feet to the second floor landing. In spite of the rupture you incurred when I landed on top of you, I am sure you will admit that when we landed it was one of the biggest thrills you have ever had.

Sam, you old cuss, you've just got to forgive me for that little prank I played on you. If I had known you were goosey, I'd have never done it. It would have been a lot worse if that fat lady hadn't been standing right under the window you jumped through. She really broke your fall a lot. People have been killed falling three stories.

Gene, I regret telling the fireman it was you who turned in the false alarm. But, of course, I had no way of knowing they would make such a bad report of it. Those fire hoses sure have a lot of pressure don't they? And the water is cold!!

Don, I know how you must feel about me. Opening the door to the broom closet suddenly must have startled you and Millie quite badly, and to think how hard you bumped your chin on the shelf when you bent over to pull up your pants, it makes me sick. We'll have to get together for dinner some night after the dentist finishes your plates.

Nancy, the only excuse I can offer for stealing all your clothes and hiding them when I found you passed out in the ladies room, is that I was drunk. Also, I want you to know I was very embarrassed when I couldn't remember where I hid them and you had to go home in that old sofa cover. Running your falsies up the flag pole was a bit too much, but like I said, I was a little drunk.

To all of you, I am sorry. Setting Jan's panties on fire seemed funny at the time, and it makes me sad to hear that her husband is divorcing her because of it.

Urinating in everyone's drink was in bad taste, and not telling them about it until all the drinks were gone was even worse.

Now that I have apologized to all of you and know that I am forgiven, I will do my darndest to come to the picnic......

AFTER THE PARTY

After the annual office party blow-out, Colin woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire senior management and insulted the Regional Director General to his face."

"He's an asshole. I should have pissed on him."

"You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" yelled Colin.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Thought for today: There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime.  Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.  ~P.J. O'Rourke

humor jokes video funny workplace Christmas holiday office party celebration