Cops
Monday, 11.05.07 @ 12:04AM 
The last time I talked to a police officer was just a couple of weeks ago when I was pulled over for expired plates (I forgot to pay my bills for a month, too). He was a very nice and businesslike young man. My kids embarassed me, acting like they were afraid of the police and I was liable to be hauled off to jail and what would happen to them... I have no idea where they get that kind of attitude, but I told them to get a grip. You remember in old movies where they have to slap someone who’s hysterical? I felt like doing that, but I would’ve been arrested for sure if I did!
By the way, I didn’t ask to get out of the ticket, but I followed directions from one office to another, signing forms, and before you know it, the case was dismissed.
Police Station
The Anti-Ticket Donut. Keep one in your car in case you need it.
Pulled over for transporting crack.
Police officer attacked by a pack of wild dogs!
The Rookie Cop
(via Phil’s Phun)
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said,
"Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again...
"I SAID, let's get off that corner... NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked,
"Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," chuckled the vet,
"especially since this is a bus stop!"
You know you're a cop if...
(via Phil’s Phun)
You have the bladder capacity of five people
You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air
Your idea of a good time is a "man with a gun" call
You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you
You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills
You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see
You have your weekends off planned for a year
You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce
You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located
You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it Right the first time.
You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably
You think caffeine should be available in IV form
You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .O8
You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around
Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."
People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places ... and you know where it's located
You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body
You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH!)
You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to grab their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
You do not see daylight from November until May
People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original
A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,and 5 pairs of underwear
You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday."
You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you
You find humor in other people's stupidity
You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten
You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight."
POLICE DOG
Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat.
They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning and forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."
George replied, "We don't have to go back just give Fido my trusty police dog one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."
It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.
Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.
Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth!
Police Frisk (via Bits and Pieces)
Previously at Miss Cellania: Police and Law and Order
Thought for today: Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. -Tommy Cooper
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