It’s Friday, alrighty! Next weekend is a holiday, then it will be Christmas season. That means parties, feasts, gifts, and hangovers. There will be lots of spiked eggnog, hard cider, hot buttered rums, rattlesnakes, champagne, mulled wine, and hot toddies. And after a few of those, you can start some serious drinking. So you might as well brush up on some one-liners, trivia, humor, and icebreakers you can use for mingling at the office party. Glad I could help.  



The Miracle Beer Diet

How to make moonshine.

Why is making moonshine still illegal? (via (via Grow-A-Brain)

Study in rats suggests long-term, moderate consumption of alcohol improves recall of both visual and emotional stimuli.

Red devil and blue devil cocktails. Yum!

The Top Ten Drinking Quotes. (via Grow-A-Brain)

15 more uses for vodka. In case you need to rationalize buying so much of it.

Ever wonder what it would be like to drink in the great watering holes of yore? Well, pack your flask and climb aboard the MDM time machine — your guide Richard English is taking you on a whirlwind tour of the hottest of history’s hot spots. (via the Presurfer)

THE LETTER

(Thanks, Gary!)
Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.

As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings).

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls and text messages: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. Bu t, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan

Previously at Miss Cellania: Lots more on Drink.

Thought for today: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. -Ben Franklin

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