Mars and Venus: Good Times
Tuesday, 11.13.07 @ 12:17AM 
The is the 25th installment of the Mars and Venus series here at Miss Cellania. That's a lot of material. Can you imagine how crowded this would be if I were posting serious articles? Can you imagine how few people would read them? Men and women have good times together, to be sure! Otherwise, this would be a much more depressing world. But they often diverge as to what is an enjoyable activity and what is not. You are lucky if you find someone who enjoys your favorite pastimes. You are also lucky if you find someone who doesn’t, but allows you the time and space to enjoy it on your own.
Hell, who an I kidding? You are lucky if you just find someone!
Why Women Hate Sports
The difference between men’s magazines and women’s magazines.
Male and female storytelling flowchart.
Men’s orgasms vs. women’s orgasms.
If you're serious about having a good time together, there's a card game entitled The Difference Between Men and Women.
Also see Mars and Venus: Movies for a cockeyed look at the difference between movies preferred by men and women.
EXERCISE
(via Bits and Pieces)
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it ok if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
THE DEER HUNTER
While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of argument the wife won.
That next morning they drove out to the country, and he placed his wife in a tree about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position.
As he ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from It!!
The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady.. It's your deer. Just let me get my saddle off of it!"
THE PERF
ECT DAY
The Perfect Day for Her:
* 8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses
* 8:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
* 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
* 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out
* 12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
* 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs
* 1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
* 3:00 Nap
* 4:00 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
* 4:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage
* 5:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, prim before the mirror
* 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
* 10:00 Hot shower (alone)
* 10:30 Make love
* 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
* 11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day for Him!
* 6:00 Alarm
* 6:15 Blowjob
* 6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today
* 7:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee
* 7:30 Limo arrives
* 7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport
* 8:15 DFW - Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ)
* 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
* 9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under)
* 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens
* 12:15 Blowjob
* 12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under)
* 2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini)
* 2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap)
* 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew
* 4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs)
* 5:00 G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy Ireland
* 6:45 Shit, shower and shave
* 7:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak
* 9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar
* 9:30 Sex with three women
* 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
* 11:45 Bed (alone)
* 11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room
* 11:55 Sleep
Previously at Miss Cellania: More Mars and Venus posts.
Thought for today: Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -Victor Borge
humor jokes video funny male female gender recreation party entertainment
Reader Comments (3)
-Grey
If you think that a man and a woman living together is just too much trouble, picture this wedding:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/11/13/wdog113.xml
:-P
Best Regards,
Marcelo
Let's make it Chirstina Aguilera or Scralett Johanson and you really DID describe my last wednesday.
... Oh, and rather wake up by being performed a BJ on me, as I hate the sound of an alarm clock.