Ten days to go til the gastronomic orgy we call Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, I’m going to cook. So far, the plans are for either ten people or eighteen people, but I probably won’t find out for sure til the day before. So I’ll have to buy a big turkey and plan for leftovers. I’ll also have to make sure we have enough side dishes and pie, dinnerware, and furniture for eighteen. It would be nice to find out soon enough to invite more people if the extra relatives don’t come. But I enjoy cooking the traditional recipes we have every year. If someone wants something new and different, they are welcome to bring it.

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THE DINNER PARTY

A businessman had arranged an important formal dinner party at his home where they were going to serve stuffed whole baked fish as the main course. While the guests were eating the appetizer, the cook came to the host and whispered "Please come urgently to the kitchen."

The host went to the kitchen where the cook explained that while she was serving the starter, the cat ate a big chunk of the fish which they were going to serve.

The host said, "Just fill the hole with stuffing and turn the other side up, nobody will notice."

The fish was served and when they were nearly finished eating, the host was again called to the kitchen. The cook said,

"The cat is dead!"

The host rushed back to the dinner party and apologized, "Something was wrong with the fish and everyone must have their

stomachs pumped out at the hospital."

When they came back everything was still fine and the host went to ask the cook, "Where is the cat?"

"Oh," said the chef, "The cat is still by the road where the truck ran it down!"

COOKING TERMS

TONGUE: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

YOGURT: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the  same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

RECIPE: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

PORRIDGE: Thick oatmeal rarely found on  tables since children were  granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the  words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

PREHEAT: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

OVEN: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

MICROWAVE OVEN: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking  compartment.

CALORIE: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Many posts on Food.

Thought for today: Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. ~Harriet van Horne

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