The transmission went out on my van about a week ago. The loaner I’m driving now is a 1986 Ford F150, which means I am climbing steps to get in it. It sucks down gas and has no shock absorbers. It also has no cup holder. I read the story about how a cup holder is the most asked for option at car dealers, and I laughed and thought how shallow people are. But now I understand. It’s not easy to roll over speed bumps at school holding a hot cup of coffee between your legs when you have no shock absorbers. I don’t know when I’ll get my van back, but they said if I need a new transmission, it will cost as much as my Christmas gift budget. But it beats having to buy a new car.

 
Domino Village

The new Guinness ad features a domino fall like you’ve never seen before.

Hot candidate spouses. Which First Lady would you prefer?

Fun with Flowcharts.

This “under construction” page is worth all your attention. You’ll be rewarded with a Rube Goldberg quality catalog mockup.

Whatever happened to the actors who played those wonderful peripheral characters on Seinfeld?

Nothing phallic going on here. (via The World’s Fair)

A ladybug and a joystick. (via Grow-A-Brain)

GREEN SPOTS

(via Bits and Pieces)
A woman goes to her doctor's office, to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh. They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.

A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem. But I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"

The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"

"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

The Missile Game is not as violent as it sounds, but it is addicting. Fly through a tunnel of rotating objects, completely mouse-controlled. (via Metafilter)

LOLsaur is just what it sounds like, image macros featuring dinosaurs. Rawr! (via Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories)

People with High IQs. (via the Presurfer)

Why trampolines are dangerous. (Thanks, Jan!)

The Jerry Seinfeld Dictionary of Terms and Phrases. (via the Presurfer)

Two red pandas in a Japanese zoo have learned the joy of kissing. A lot.

Josie’s Lalaland is a beautiful and touching video. (via Transbuddha)

The 10 Most Unfortunately Named People on the Internets.

What’s Up Down There. Tyra Banks’ vagina episode.

LUCKY

(via Phil’s Phun)
A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.

The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.

Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.

Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.

The National Grid comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000.

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and announces, "Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the national grid on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"

"Lucky?" he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."

"MY GOD," says the bingo caller.

"You've won the raffle as well!!"

Thought for today: It's frightening to think of how many things were completely useless until they were discovered!

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