SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO OLD TO TRICK-OR-TREAT
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.


Song to accompany the above: I wish you'd stop trick-or-treating.

But after all, you've decided to go trick-or-treating. Those of us with children have an excuse, and we get plenty of candy anyway, costume or no. That's it, isn't it... the candy. Of course, you have to sift through all your kid's treats for safety purposes and to relieve tham of all the chocolate they don't need. You'll be shocked at how many Nerds are given out. I bet some are leftover from what the kids brought home last year. Nerds are the most annoying candy in the world. Who knows if they taste good- they are immediately spilled in the car, in the couch, or in the bed. Vacuum cleaner salesmen and little kids are the only ones who love Nerds. Tests vary, or course.  Kids will develop their own preferences quickly. Adults also have their Halloween candy horror stories. Here's the list of the worst things you can hand out to trick-or-treaters.

And some people just don't get into Halloween at all. Some think trick or treaters are annoying. And some will go out of their way to discourage trick or treaters.

What are the best and worst trick-or-treats you remember?

If you’re going to be home handing out treats, What’s Your Halloween Giveaway Strategy?

You'll want to avoid Lame Halloween Costumes and Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes.

A right creepy blog to get you in the Halloween mood.

Lots of Halloween info, pumpkin carving, recipes, etc.

Trick or Treat Horoscopes

* Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first.

* Taurus will only eat the finest Swiss chocolates.

* Gemini goes around the neighborhood once, changes costumes and goes around again.

* Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters.

* Leo plans their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea.

* Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper.

* Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume.

* Scorpio isn't in it for the candy.

* Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town.

* Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take.

* Aquarius builds their costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts.

* Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Halloween Candy, Halloween Party, and Halloween Costumes. 

Thought for today: Trick or Treat! Smell My Feet! Gimme something good to eat!

This post originally appeared on October 25, 2005.

halloween trick or treat candy humor