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Disney Princesses

Disney found out what a good thing was with the 1937 film Snow White. It was artistic, scary, creepy, beautiful, somewhat kinky, and ultimately satisfying. Then in the 50s and 60s, they got sidetracked by exploiting passive busty blonde princesses. The newer crop that began in the 80s was an attempt to do better. Ariel was less passive, but still a busty rebellious teenager who fell for the first pretty face she saw. Belle was a great improvement: heroic, loyal, and she read books too! Jasmine was an attempt to integrate the Princesses, but the movie Aladdin was still full of racial stereotypes, as was Pocahontas. Disney has a hard time getting a clue. Their best effort was Mulan, who was not white, not passive, and not at all boy-crazy. The trouble is, she wasn’t a princess, either. Still, Disney broke a mold with Mulan, then went on to release a truly dreadful sequel that undermined everything the original film was about. The best news is that my kids are just about old enough to see through the “happily ever after” now.



Hit the Road, Jack

Kyle Baker’s twisted version of Sleeping Beauty.

The Dirty Little Mermaid. (audio NSFW)

Sex, drugs, and racism in Disney films: a quiz.

Snow White, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, and Rapunzel in a bit more adult setting.

The Disney Princesses talk about Chlamydia.

Betty Boop as Snow White

Snow White

Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?
She got caught sitting on Pinocchio's face, shouting "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

*********
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".
*********
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.

Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around." Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.

Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?

That's easy ... Seven-Up!
******** 

After centuries of misinformation, Fairy Tale Briefs at last reveals the hidden role of underwear in classic tales of enchantment. Here you’ll find the world’s first collection of fairy tales with knickers in their twists. Learn how lingerie saved Snow White’s life. Find out whether Cinderella was acting unseemly—or simply unseamly. And discover what really happened on the Night of the Living Bra.

A delightfully interactive version of Alice in Wonderland. (via the Presurfer)

Adult versions of classic fairy tales.

A fractured version of Cinderella, from Hoss.

You Are Pocahantas!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Free-spirited and wise. You have a strong passionate spirit that touches and changes all who know you. The wisdom and common sense that you have is really what guides you through life. Even so, you also have a very playful side that loves adventure and excitement.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

 

A SHORT FAIRY TALE

One day long, long ago there was this man who, surprisingly, was not full
of shit........

But this was a long time ago..... and it was just ONE day.

THE END

SLEEPING BEAUTY

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.

"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.

"I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.

Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.

In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty. "I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees."

In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering,

"Who the hell is Bill Clinton?"

Sonne -Rammstein

Snow White as a dominatrix? Ectoplasmosis has a deconstruction of this video and its drug allusions.

Thought for Today: I used to be Snow White -but I drifted.

Posted on Wednesday, 10.24.07 @ 12:02AM by Registered CommenterMiss Cellania in , | Comments8 Comments

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Reader Comments (8)

Regarding the Shortest Fairy Tale...ouch. I hate when they suggest that if I'm put in the middle of a 400 acre field, and they step on my foot, I'll fertilize the lot of it.

Especially if there might be some truth to it...
10.24.07 @ 04:48AM | Unregistered CommenterCompostFeathers
Of all the Disney heroines, I'd want to bang Ariel the most.
10.24.07 @ 12:08PM | Unregistered Commenteractor212
Disney.
Could anyone advise on the unit of measurement used in the calculation of the duration between the screening of a new Disney cartoon & the subsequent issue on DVD of the same film as a 'DISNEY CLASSIC'.

Im sure it's measured in Nano seconds , but I could be wrong.
10.24.07 @ 01:07PM | Unregistered CommenterPlutos The Bubbleman
Every time I take one of those quizzes, I get the same answer as you, Miss C. Are we twins or something? Or is it that great minds think alike?
10.24.07 @ 02:43PM | Unregistered CommenterCarol Anne
One man's princess is another man's hoe, after I saw this Disney was never the same.
http://www.paulkrassner.com/
10.24.07 @ 09:17PM | Unregistered CommenterWalt
Oh, if only fairy tales lives were true...
I grew up LOVING everything Disney. I had the movies memorized, and I watched all the ones made when my kids were growing up. Now that they are no longer interested in them, neither am I. The last one I saw was Mulan, and I really liked it. Anything after that, I haven't seen.
Someday my "prints" will come. That made me laugh!
10.24.07 @ 09:39PM | Unregistered CommenterJamie Dawn
I think you lost your Betty Boop, this one should work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-arBMWSD9s
10.25.07 @ 12:08AM | Unregistered CommenterWalt
This is great, I added a pic from another site and your link here to a couple of the jokes! Foubd you totally by accident! Thanks for the fun!
04.01.08 @ 08:43AM | Unregistered CommenterMarty

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