Ah, I don’t even have time to pretend to write a funny or insightful introduction to today’s post. You know what you want to see on the web, except I’m not posting it. You can find pornography easily without my help. But the next best thing is funny stuff about sex. So enjoy.



Sex Don’ts

Why do people have sex? Duh. Because it feels good. 

10 things every girl should know about a boy’s private parts. (via Look at This)

The biggest sex mistakes men and women make.

Greybloke discovers porn on the internet.

What does this chair look like to you? (via b3ta)

Regular sex helps prevent coronary heart disease.

Maxim’s favorite political sex scandals.

The Oral Sex Snorkle.

Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex with You

(via It Occurred to Me)
- When you request sex, she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in."

- Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.

- Actually answers when you ask, "Who's your daddy?"

- Only moans during commercial breaks.

- Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.

- Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.

- You find yourself sitting backstage at the Jerry Springer show.

- You begin to suspect she is only "playing" dead.

- Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a WAV file.

- Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.

- Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"

- Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.

- She yells out her own name.

- Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.

Sex Class

A guy was taking a course in human sexuality, and on a particular day, they were studying the Kinsey Report. As the professor was citing different statistics, he commented that one particular woman in the study had been said to have had several hundred orgasms in a single session.

There were several audible gasps in the lecture hall.

A male voice piped up and asked, "Wow... who was she?"

A female voice followed with, "Never mind that, who was HE?"

 

NOONER

(via Phil’s Phun)
A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn'tseem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from thefields, they made love. And again at
bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.

"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."

They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day, when Homer came back to the doctor's office.

"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"

"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer.

"Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off ashot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin."

"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.

"Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin'season started."

Thought for today:  Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. -Milton Berle

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