There are very few subjects people won’t discuss anymore. No matter what the subject matter, you’ll find something about it on the internet. With a few exceptions (criminal activities), thats a good thing. Information  is ammunition to get through life! If you are afraid to ask advice about something, you can just look it up! It wasn’t always so easy. Before the net, you had to get past confusing euphemisms and embarrassment just to know whats going on... especially about such natural human functions as menstruation. The Thing We Don’t Talk About. Of course, that means I’ll post it. You guys may want to look elsewhere today if this sort of thing makes you queasy. We understand you are a bit weaker than women, and we allow for that. But if you are willing, I’ve got some menstrual humor that may amaze or amuse you. I promise I won't gross you out. There’s a special section for men a bit further down.

I’m glad to find the Museum of Menstruation and Women’s Health. This is a fascinating site, but you have to be ready for it. The historical stuff here is a hoot! There’s also a humor page with jokes too gross to print here. (Thanks, JTR Admin!)

Take a look at the first Kotex ad campaign. You might be surprised to see the line “To save men’s lives, scienced discovered Kotex.” There is quite a story behind that! Read about how Kotex was developed.

Some imaginative advertising for the new tampon Clotex.

Its nice to know the real manufacturers of such products have a sense of humor, too.

Tampon Crafts.

A little music video to remind you to do your BSE (breast self-exams) every month, entitled My Lovely Lady Lumps. NSFW.

SPECIAL OCCASIONS

(Thanks, Judy!)
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake)....
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?  Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake)...

Now, fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next, in came my father, who roared with laughter. Then in came Mom, who almost died of  embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had  even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!! My mother  asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!!"

Isn't it easier to just tell the truth and . . . be careful who you ask to set the table for you!

THE LETTER

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
-Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
-Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
-Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
-Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries.
Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait. While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guarandamntee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want "tips for living" on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol. Printing out sh*t advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the sh*t in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. The ultimate goal of your product should be functionally invisible at every stage, including at the point of purchase.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your a**. (Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it!)

Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS

LITTLE BOYS

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"

The nine-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom."

Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"

The nine-year-old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?"

The nine-year-old says, "They're for my four-year-old little brother."

The cashier is surprised "Your four-year-old little brother?"

The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do,either of them!"

The Men’s Section

PMS Survival Guide (via Fuzzytopia)

If Men Could Menstruate, by Gloria Steinem.

A guy’s view of the whole woman thing.

Grim Reality: Some advice for the naive male.

Young Guy From Minnesota

(Thanks, Wendy!)

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.  After the store was locked up, the boss came down.  "How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says, "One".

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.65".

The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing!"

Thought for today: If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long? -Gloria Steinem

humor links video funny menstruation period tampons hormones PMS