The kids are back in school, finally! I had looked forward to school break, so that I could spend time with the kids... quality time, instead of nag nag nag to get them out of bed and ready for school. We spent 12 days of quality time together. We had sleepovers, movies, candy and cookies, played pool and rummy, and rollerskated way too much. We went to the movies, to the bowling alley, to Grandma's, to every restaurant in town (and some out of town). I spent all my spare time preparing food for the little bottomless pits. Now getting them up for school is a pleasure. Meanwhile, I got very behind in my internet activities. Here is a small portion of the random links that have piled up over the holidays.

While we here in the States were painfully watching Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest trying to get excited about a ball drop, here’s how a Japanese television network rang in the New Year. They must've gotten hot on stage to be shedding so much clothing. You may have the song in your head the rest of the day!

Todd Snider’s song You Got Away With It (A Tale of Two Fraternity Brothers). A classic tale you are probably familiar with. (via the J-Walk Blog)

Will this project ever get off the ground, or will there be slip-ups? The Geostationary Banana Over Texas project calls itself “an art intervention” and is scheduled to be ready for launch in August of 2008. The 300 meter banana will be constructed of bamboo and paper and be filled with helium. It will float at 30 to 50 km above the state of Texas, which will put it on the line between atmosphere and space. From the ground, the banana will be visible and recognizable day and night from all over Texas. Why a banana? Is it a symbol for comedy or just a phallic symbol? A symbol for a banana republic or has someone gone bananas? And why Texas? Whether this is a hoax or a real art project, there are just too many comedic possibilities to resist!

I discovered a egregious oversight in my look at TIME’s Person of the Year. Wendell Wit (who is not cyberstalking me) not only posted a cover of himself, but he’s holding a real OSCAR! I guess he won that for acting like he knows what he’s doing.

The Stinkymeat Project site could be used as a diet aid. I know it put ME off leftovers for a few days! The things I do for your entertainment... Anyway, these guys put raw meat outside to see what would happen. There must be no animals in this neighborhood at all, because most of the meat hung around for 18 days in the first experiment. Photographic evidence and descriptions follow the meat each day. Read at your own peril, but afterwards you will have a renewed appreciation for dogs, vultures, and other carrion-supported wildlife. (via Everlasting Blort)

The 2006 Darwin Awards are out! Here are stories of people who became the victims of natural selection over the past year.

The Secret Life of Robots is a collaboration of more than a dozen filmmakers from five countries. The video uses flash, stop-motion, hand-drawn, and 3D CGI techniques. And its funny! (via Everlasting Blort)

The Romanian Mint Rubbing Association. What is mintrubbing? After reading this site for quite a while, I still have no clue. (via the Presurfer)

Shirtcity has a game called Wet Shirt. The idea is to shoot a water gun at scantily-clad ladies and hit them in the shirt. Its a small target. When you complete a level, you are rewarded with a video of a girl dancing in a thong. Personally, I don’t see what’s so fun about that. (via Dump Trumpet)

How he got that mohawk to stand up like that. (Thanks, Bill!)

I am proud to find that I have won an award from Senor Caiman. Which explains why I am posting links on a Thursday when I normally only catch up with them on Sundays... too much good material! Sorry for those of you who feel overloaded, but you are NOT obligated to check out every link.

Verizon quoted him internet service at .002 cents per kb. Then they charged him .002 dollars per kb. So he called them. After a 45 minute wait, the conversation turned into a math lesson any adult outside of the Verizon customer service center could understand. Its a 22 minute conversation. But its astounding. I listened to the whole thing, but there is a transcript you can read. The followup letter he received made about as much sense as the phone call. He received credit on his bill, but the rate is now .002 dollars. 

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Noble Excellency Misscellania the Malleable of Great Leering Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

(via Exploding Aardvark, AKA  Imperial Majesty Lisa the Intractable of Hope End)

Weird Al Yankovich’s interview with K-Fed. Its nine minutes long, but if you’ve got the time, its there and its funny! “After 9/11 and Katrina, hasn’t this country suffered enough?”

CALL CENTER CUSTOMERS

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the travel centre".
Operator: "They're our opening hours".

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "In the user guide it clearly states I need to unplug the fax machine from the wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Can you give me his number?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: " Doesn't the name of the product give you a clue?"

Caller: "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Caller: "I''d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That''s what it says on the label: Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I''m steaming up the window to write the number on"."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK" .
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No" .
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No" .
Tech Support: "OK. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Thought for today: When will the rhetorical questions end? -George Carlin

humor jokes video funny games