January 26 is Australia Day! I originally planned to post this on Friday, but then I realized that Australia Day would be half over in Australia by the time it would be published, so I decided to be a half-day early instead of a half-day late. This post is dedicated to my Aussie friends, Peter Holt of Holtie’s House, his sister Merle of Third Time Lucky, Whitesnake from  A Whitesnake's Bite Can Be Lethal, OzGuru from G’Day Mate! and Phil Cordery, who supplied a lot of the jokes and links in this post, and who really should have his own blog. Lets learn something about Australia.

Australia Day Official Site.

Google Maps celebrates Australia Day by taking your picture.

Australia for kids. Includes jokes and games!

You know Aussies must have a sense of humor, otherwise an English-speaking nation would not name towns Chinaman's Knob, Wet Beaver Creek, Tittybong, Bumbang, Gin Gin, Dunedoo, Hat Head, Jimboomba, Innaloo, Wee Waa, Wangi Wangi, Wagga Wagga, and Middle Intercourse Island.

The population centers of Western Australia are so far away from their counterparts in the east, they’ve had a hard time feeling like they are part of the same country.

Learn more about Australian politics, and how Aussies view American politics at the blog Machine Gun Keyboard.  Also, The Daily Flute has Australian politics plus a fair dose of pop culture. Are Aussie political blogs required to have a musical instrument in the title? Silly me, I still think of a keyboard as a portable piano.

The lead singer of the 80’s musical group Midnight Oil Peter Garrett is now an MP in the Australian parlaiment. In this video, Australian Treasurer Peter Costello pokes a bit of fun at him.

The original music video is here.

The Fair Dinkum, Ridgy Didge, Dinky die, True Blue, Dyed-in-the-wool, Let's Talk Strine SAO Quiz! Translation: Australian slang quiz.

If you travel to Oz, you may want to take this handy translation guide.  

The most popular Australian slang term is “no worries",  which just shows how laid-back they like to be!

A guide to Australia and Australian English

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.

2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

8. All our best heroes are losers.

9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.

12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".

13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.

14. The wise man will choose a partner who is more attractive than himself.............to mosquitoes.

15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.

16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.

17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.

18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.

19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).

20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.

21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.

22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.

23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.

24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.

25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always

be slightly larger than the pool itself.

26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.

27. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.

28. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the flies. 

29. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber" to anyone ... EVER!

Why Australians believe Americans are stupid. Now I know good and well that they discarded ten correct answers for every clip they included, but whats left is funny. I would not have made the final cut, because I know every question they asked. And I can’t believe everyone in Texas follows Bush so blindly.

Kangaroo Scrotum Bottle Opener.

Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the hog I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

Australian critters and bouncing boobs.

THE TEXAS TOURIST

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look,

"Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? 

An Australian meets an American

Thought for today: Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. -Charles M. Schulz

Many thanks to Phil Cordery and Peter Holt for the jokes and links!

humor jokes video funny games Australia Australia Day Oz Down Under Aussies