Aw, look at the cute little teddy bears! You may have some foggy memory of loving a teddy bear or similar plush animal in your childhood, but you cannot really understand their importance til you’ve sifted through some stranger’s garbage to find the one your distraught child may have dropped there. Yep, I too, have searched the internet for the one that could pass as a replacement for a screaming toddler’s best friend. My older daughter Princess had a favorite bear from the moment we gave him to her as a baby. I had to teach her step-by-step that it was OKAY to shift the bear from one hand to the other so I could put her shirt on. She wouldn’t let go of him even for her baby portraits, so we can still see what he looked like back when he had ears, arms, a mouth, and a bowtie. What's left of him occupies a place of honor in a pocket of her shoe rack.

In case you're not really into teddy bears, the links get... "nastier" the further down you go.
The history of the teddy bear.

This is such a cute gallery of handmade stuffed animals by artist Natasha Fadeeva. (via Everlasting Blort)

If you can’t keep her warm at night yourself, send your lady a Hot Teddy to curl up with. She’ll love you for it!

Decorating with teddy bears is so cute! Especially if you are decorating a jail.

Two students are suing to return to school after they were expelled for making a movie in which evil teddy bears attack a teacher.  (via Arbroath)

Teddy Bear Tower.

Artist Philip Jordan’s website is called Teddies in Space. (Thanks, Bill!)

Killer Teddy Bear takes out 2,500 Fish! The deaths prompted the hatchery to release a written warning: "RELEASE OF ANY TEDDY BEARS into the fish hatchery water IS NOT PERMITTED." (via Arbroath)

Take a look at the World’s Smallest Teddy Bear!

Gummi Bears are all the rage again. Jellio has some Gummi Lights that are just plain cool.

TEDDY BEAR JOKE

This is a teddy bear joke.

Once upon a time, in a town populated by teddy bears, there lived a Baby teddy bear and his Mother.

One day, the Mother teddy bear asked her son to go down to the corner store to buy her a pink bar of soap.  The Baby teddy bear jumped at the opportunity, since it was a big responsibility and he was always helpful around the house.

So the Baby teddy bear hopped on his bicycle, and rode down to the corner store, all the time saying to himself "Pink bar of soap, pink bar of soap" so he wouldn't forget.  Finally he reached the corner store, parked his bike in the rack provided and walked inside.  He said to the teddy bear standing behind the counter, "I would like to buy a pink bar of soap for my mother."

"Just one moment son, and I'll check to see if we have any in stock," the shopkeeping teddy bear said, and went to the store room to check.  A few moments go by and the Shopkeeping teddy bear returned, carrying a bar of soap.  "I'm sorry, son, but it seems that we ran out of pink bars of soap.  But I do have purple."

"That's okay, sir," replied the Baby teddy bear.  "I'm riding my bike."

On hearing this joke one day, when no one else was laughing someone unfortunately, to perpetuate a stereotype, a young, blonde, female someone) says "Oh, I get it." to which the reply came - "You're not supposed to, it's a TEDDY BEAR joke."

A Tribute to Some Famous Bears

Famous Teddy Bears

1. Winnie the Pooh Did you know he is a Satan Worshipper?
2. Paddington Bear appeared on Mad TV once.
3. Care Bears In this Robot Chicken project, the Care Bears engage in some ethnic cleansing.
4. Fozzie Bear, stand up comedian for the Muppets. Read up on his appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.
5. Ewoks (from the movie Return of the Jedi) Watch them do the Ewok Polka.

What do you call a teddy bear with a machine gun?
Sir.

Teddy Bears are evil!

Torture the teddy bear. For stress relief only.

Introducing the Remote-Controlled Farting Teddy Bear!

If you prefer your teddies kinky, check out the Tormented Teddies at Rubberroom Pornaments.

They’re rude, crude, and totally lewd! Get the world’s nastiest talking teddy bears at Ballsy Bears!

Cute Teddy Bear. NSFW audio!

Wazzup with the teddy bears?

Aren’t you glad Teddy Bear Season is over?

The Bar

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.

After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?".

She replied, "You may select any prize from the bottom shelf."

Teddy Bears Revenge

Thought for today: I don't think my family liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen

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