One of the things about hanging around the Blogosphere, you run into a lot of people who want to be writers. (Duh!) Some are pretty good at it,too. Whether they will ever set the literary world on fire is an iffy thing. Its not like a good story well written automatically translates into book sales. Success in the book business now requires a big name even before publishing. If you’ve been in the headlines, you can get a book deal. If you’re a famous media name, you can get a book deal. If you are just a good writer, you may end up writing books under the name of these notorious people. I know a ghost writer in California. She’s at it everyday, pounding out prose under other people’s names. Its a good job, but sad that her own wonderful writing has to struggle for publicity, while yesterday’s headliners are getting huge advances. And they probably can’t even read!

See some really bad examples at In Search of the World’s Worst Writing.

People will write about anything. And sometimes get published! See some rally strange books at Odd Books.

Self-published books are sometimes referred to as the “vanity press”. But there was nothing vain about Cameron Kelly when he paid to have one volume produced. It was a 113 page marriage proposal. BTW, she said yes! You can read it for free here.

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation. Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life... You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material. You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.

Have you been assigned to read a classic, but don’t have the time? Forget Cliff Notes, here’s the Ultra-Condensed Versions!

Great literature is supposed to make your mind escape to a better place. Bring yourself back down to earth by visiting the REAL world of Jane Austen... it was a dirty place.

Red Hot and Filthy Library Smut has some awesome photographs. Of libraries. Really. (via the Presurfer)

Geoffrey Chaucer Hath A Blog.

Andy Warhol’s blog. This is really his diary, from 30 years ago.

LITERARY RULES

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat)
Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
Be more or less specific.
Remarks in brackets (however relevant) are (usually) (but not always) unnecessary.
Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
No sentence fragments.
Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
One should NEVER generalize.
Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
Don't use no double negatives.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be ignored.
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
Kill all exclamation points!!!
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
Puns are for children, not groan readers.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

What happens when you mix literary works with musical performers?
Charlie Daniels and the Chocolate Factory
Catch 182
Horton Hears a Hoobastank
Of Mice and Men at Work
Bare Naked Lunch Ladies
Nickolas Nickelback
Oliver Twisted Sister
You’ll see a huge collection of these at this site. (via Neatorama)

Want to know if you've got a killer title for your novel? Now, for the first time in literary history, you can put your title to the scientific test and find out whether it has what it takes for bestseller success.

Jon Swift posts reviews on Amazon for books he hasn’t read. But his reviews are certainly worth reading!  (via The J-Walk Blog)

Gallery of “misused” quotation marks.

Cliche Finder.

FEW WORDS

(lifted from Hoss)

A college class is told to write a short story in as few words as possible, but the story had to contain three elements:

1. Religion
2. Sexuality
3. Mystery

The only A+ in the class went to this entry:

"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it?"

Previously on Miss Cellania: Mars and Venus: Literature

 
Thought for today: Literature nowadays is a trade. Putting aside men of genius, who may succeed by mere cosmic force, your successful man of letters is your skilful tradesman. He thinks first and foremost of the markets .     -George Gissing

humor jokes literature funny library writing writer Save To Del.icio.us