Wedding Day Horror
Friday, 09.29.06 @ 12:07AM 
There’s going to be something that will go wrong. It just has to. Your wedding day is supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event, with pomp and cermony and way too much money spent. You can choreograph every minute, every movement, and everybody, but something will go wrong. There are just too many possibilities. First off, the proposal could be turned down, in which case you don’t even get started on wedding plans. Or the the tension and high expectations turn the bride into Bridezilla. Or the alcohol at the reception... well, there’s a lot of ways that can backfire! Lets take a look at some awful wedding scenarios.
Title photograph by Jocelyn Bassler of Spotty Dog Photography.
A very public proposal gone wrong.
Here's another, because when you plan an elaborate public proposal, sometimes things go horribly awry.
Check out the large collection of wedding horror stories at Etiquette Hell.
Bachelor parties are a little different in Sweden. See the picture, then read the text! (via Arbroath)
Not all wedding pictures are perfect. Here are some brides caught off guard.
You can now webcast your own wedding ceremony! And why not? There are already plenty of places on the web where you can webcast the wedding night!
Wedding cakes are usually pretty girly things, but if you want something more macho, here’s the recipe for Meat Cake.
The world’s awfulest wedding dresses.
Wedding dresses made of toilet paper.
When you blindfold the groom, things can go wrong there, too.
WEDDING QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: NOT if you are the groom.
Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.
Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post".
Going Bridal has some wonderful anti-wedding goodness, including the wonderful Bridezilla Shop, the Evil Wedding Planner, and the Cavalcade of Bad Bridal Fashion.
Send this ecard and others like it! --->
Actress Cynthia Silver turned a horrible wedding day into a career move when she wrote her one-woman stage show Bridezilla Strikes Back.
POLICE INVOLVEMENT
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say..."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
THE KID
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, "ROAR," step, step, "ROAR," all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
LUCKY THIRTEEN
A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded:
My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be.
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old saying-'Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach.'
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. He knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it.
My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product. he just wasn't sure how to position it.
My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about it.
My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was . . .-God I miss him!
So now I've married you, and I'm really excited."
"Why is that," asked the lawyer.
"Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer!! I just know I'm going to get screwed this time!
This bride got arrested at her reception! (via Arbroath)
When you’re videotaping a wedding, be sure to get footage of the brawl. Amongst the ladies. While the men stand back and laugh.
THE IRISH WEDDING
A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.
To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!' The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,
Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'
The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, 'OK.'
'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'
'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'
Thought for today: Love may be blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
humor jokes video funny wedding nuptuals bride bridezilla groom
Miss Cellania
I was notified that the title picture of this post is a copyrighted photograph by photographer Jocelyn Bassler, who was so kind as to allow me to keep it here, with credit. See more of her work at Spotty Dog Photography. If you see this photo anywhere else, please let me know and I will pass it on.
Reader Comments (8)
you are so funny! those wedding dresses were so shameful, but the commentary really did me in, especially the dress that can pick up 120 channels. so funny!
I'm adding you to my blog.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, for your lovely remarks and cirulating the post :)
over and out.
katie
you are so funny! those wedding dresses were so shameful, but the commentary really did me in, especially the dress that can pick up 120 channels. so funny!
I'm adding you to my blog.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, for your lovely remarks and cirulating the post :)
over and out.
katie
Have a great weekend. :)
WE thought it was funny!
Have a great weekend, Miss C!
I did a double take when I looked at the picture of the couple getting married on the beach! I was so busy looking at the bride and groom that I didn't notice the couple walking on the beach....lol.
Another great post!!
We miss you, and have a lot of funny ripper theories in stock now for you to consider. There's fools, damn fools, and then there's fool ripperologists.....