Today is my birthday. I am older than dirt. Three weeks ago, I got my AARP card in the mail. Mind you, this kinda blew my mind, because you must be 50 years old to join! I’m not telling my age, but I am NOT 50 yet! I would like to get my old decrepit hands on the person who gave the wrong information to AARP. After I worked out my indignity, I did exactly what you would expect me to do... I called and emailed the story out for laughs. Then I considered taking them up on the offer. After all, AARP members get discounts on all sorts of things, right? But after all, I’m not really eligible. And although I’m not working right now, I will not be officially retired for another 20 years or so. Maybe even longer, considering the state of my savings! Last year, I posted weird and wonderful horoscopes for my birthday; this year, I'll just talk about getting old.

*I’m so old,  I asked my mother what I was like as a kid. She answered, “Oh, I don’t remember, that was SO LONG AGO.” Thanks, Mom.
*I’m so old, I managed to graduate from college without ever touching a computer. My kids don’t believe that one.
*I’m so old, my kids invited me to Grandparent’s Day at their school.
*I’m so old, I saw a site talking about this song that was SO OLD, he remembered it from his grade school days... it was RunDMC doing “Walk This Way’. Hell, I remember when it wasn’t a REMAKE!
*I’m so old, the 25 Most Embarassing Fashions of the Past 25 Years were things I felt I was “too old” to wear. In the 80s.
*I’m so old, I laugh at the feebleness of other people’s “I’m so old...” lists.

Are you older than dirt? Take the test! I scored very high on this one.

In Praise of Older Women.

Monty (as well as the rest of us) knows why older women are better.

Sim made himself a birthday cartoon not long ago. I think I'll just appropriate it for myself. 

No good ever came from having a pinata at a kid’s birthday party.

Amazing cakes.

How to play Happy Birthday on a touchtone phone:
1 1 2 1 6 3
1 1 2 1 9 6
1 1 # 9 6 3 2
9 6 9 3 6 3

To Be 6 Again

(Thanks, Kip!)
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.  Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!  He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of  Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.  Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,  M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.  He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well  Dear, what was it like being six again??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly changed.  "I meant my dress size, you dummy!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

MOTHER-IN-LAW

Two guys were talking at work.

"I've got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?"

"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"

"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."

"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.

The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"

Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
 
Previously on Miss Cellania: Its My Party

Thought for today: It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays live the longest.

PS: The Fifth Annual Blogger Boobie-Thon will launch October first and is now accepting early photo submissions. This yearly event features bloggers showing their (covered and uncovered) breasts in order to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation and other charities during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Only covered boobies (hands, props, food items, bras, etc.) will be placed on the main photos page. There will be a separate, passworded "pay-per-boobie" page for bare-breasted photos, which will be available to donors of $50.00 or more. The Boobie-Thon will run through October 7th.

humor jokes video funny games birthday party