PMS
Saturday, 09.23.06 @ 12:08AM 
It used to totally piss me off that anytime I got a little moody, my husband would say "You must be getting close to your period." Of course it would piss me off, since I was in a bad mood already! He was only right about a third of the time. After all, hormone levels are not the ONLY thing that can put me in a bad mood.
There is a bright side... when women get a little testy, we can blame it on hormones (if we want to). Men don't have an excuse. Which brings to mind a variation on an old joke:
He: You must be suffering from PMS.
She: Thats right. In two days, I'll be a sweetheart again. And you'll still be an ass.
Dolly Parton wrote a song about it, called PMS Blues. I then found a little cartoon called The PMS Blues, although quite a different song.
What does PMS stand for?
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly: Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
....and my favorite one..
13. Potential Murder Suspect
The PMS Survival Guide for Men is a nice little bit of advice, but I'd say its not just for PMS. Use it any day of the month!
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to
change a light bulb! They don't even know that the
bulb is BURNED OUT!! They'd sit there in the dark
for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!! And,
once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to
find the light bulbs despite the fact they've been in
the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS! But
if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find
the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to
stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would
STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT
WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE
GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT
DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE
AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!
I'm sorry. What was your question?
Thought for today: A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow
This was originally posted on November 17, 2005.
humor links premenstrual syndrome PMS hormones funny female
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Reader Comments (12)
Let's say she, um, you know, at age 13, through 65. That's 52 years.
A week in PMS, a week in her period, and a week recovering. That's 3 weeks out of 4, or 39 years.
I'm amazed more marriages don't end in divorce, or worse, manslaughter.
I did however, have a secretary once who was SO bad I would beg her to take time off every month. Just get out of the office! PLEASE!