PMS

It used to totally piss me off that anytime I got a little moody, my husband would say "You must be getting close to your period." Of course it would piss me off, since I was in a bad mood already! He was only right about a third of the time. After all, hormone levels are not the ONLY thing that can put me in a bad mood.

There is a bright side... when women get a little testy, we can blame it on hormones (if we want to). Men don't have an excuse. Which brings to mind a variation on an old joke:

He: You must be suffering from PMS.
She: Thats right. In two days, I'll be a sweetheart again. And you'll still be an ass.

Dolly Parton wrote a song about it, called PMS Blues. I then found a little cartoon called The PMS Blues, although quite a different song.

What does PMS stand for?

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly: Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

....and my favorite one..

13. Potential Murder Suspect

The PMS Survival Guide for Men is a nice little bit of advice, but I'd say its not just for PMS. Use it any day of the month!

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to
change a light bulb! They don't even know that the
bulb is BURNED OUT!! They'd sit there in the dark
for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!! And,
once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to
find the light bulbs despite the fact they've been in
the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS! But
if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find
the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to
stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would
STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT
WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE
GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT
DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE
AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

I'm sorry. What was your question?

 
Thought for today: A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow

 
This was originally posted on November 17, 2005.

humor links premenstrual syndrome PMS hormones funny female

Comments

[Skunkfeathers]

Back in the days with my ex-fiancee, I learned quickly that I would have to live with a couple/three "Can Do Nothing Right Day"s every month. It eventually grew to "Every Day CDNRD", but I digress ;-)

[actor212]

A friend of mine once calculated how many years a woman spends either getting, having, or getting over her period.

Let's say she, um, you know, at age 13, through 65. That's 52 years.

A week in PMS, a week in her period, and a week recovering. That's 3 weeks out of 4, or 39 years.

I'm amazed more marriages don't end in divorce, or worse, manslaughter.

[Miss Cellania]

Carl, I've heard that before, but it always refers to ex-wives. Most women don't have such severe cases. And age 65? Thats an extremely late menopause!

[Carlos]

I"m fortunate that my dear bride doesn't get too bad during her period. I know to stay away and keep my mouth shut though, that's for sure. Just ain't worth the hassle :-)

[Miss Cellania]

I've wondered if ALL women claim PMS when they just want to be left alone. Everyone I know has done that at one time or another.

[Senor]

This is why you play golf and have a girl friend.

[Mike Ashley]

Fortunatly, over the years, I have managed to read my wife's PMS symptoms and say very during those times. I guess it's working - we're still together after 34 years.

[Mike Ashley]

Say very little (that is)

[Coll]

My PMS days are long over and I (and my family) were glad to see them go :-)

[Penny]

I was one of those fortunate ... and FEW ... who never suffered PMS! Now I don't have to worry about it anyway cause the parts is long gone!

I did however, have a secretary once who was SO bad I would beg her to take time off every month. Just get out of the office! PLEASE!

[CJM<3WAN]

I haven't started yet and all my friends say your stomach starts hurting really bad. Is that true and are there other symptoms that your aboout to start?? <3 thnx!

[Miss Cellania]

Honestly, sweetie, it's not bad enough to worry about. Every woman is different. For every girl that tries to scare you about the pain, there are ten who never have any problems at all.