That last terror alert just about did the public’s view of air travel completely in. After deregulation in the 80s, air travel lost its luxury status. In the nineties, they quit serving food. After 9/11, everyone who buys a ticket began to be treated like a criminal. And now you can’t even take a bottle of water on board with you. I can’t tell you how many pictures I’ve seen of long lines of naked people waiting to go through security. On the internet, not in actual airports, but you get the idea. Its enough to make a body want to drive a car, and how is that helping the idea of mass public transit? Still, when you have to get thousands of miles away in one day, its the only way to go. But only until the transporter becomes reality.

All air travelers have heard the in-flight safety talk at the beginning of a flight. What if they were completely honest? You’ve got to read this one!

Everybody’s got a hobby. Here’s someone with a collection of barf bags. (Thanks, Tamara!)

Don’t stand so close to the runway!

Watch Video Clip

How to survive a 35,000 foot freefall. (Thanks, Bill!)

Could you be an airport screener? Of course you could! Could you be an effective airport screener? Take the test: Bomb or Not. Then get serious (not) about ruining passenger's lives by playing Airport Security.

What fun you can have with the Airline Security Playset!

Aviation Videos has a ton of material, mostly submitted by pilots and other professionals. There are crash videos, and even plane crash music videos.

Blogs of the day: Southwest Airlines blog and  Boeing Airplanes blog.

If you think airlines are scary, just try taking a ride with the Blue Angels! Scene three is my favorite.

One thing airline passengers don’t want to see.

The best airport security cartoons! Number one, number two, number three, and number four.

This is what airline travel is supposed to be like, according to the dreams of 1958. Would that it were so.

Now you can join the “Mile High Club” in complete comfort with no hassles for just $299.00. The bad news: you have to bring your own partner.

OIL PRESSURE

(Thanks, Frontier Editor!)
A tower controller at NAS Pensacola heard the dreaded call of a pilot declaring falling oil pressure in one engine of his twin engined TS-2 Tracker.

The controller instantaneously gave the pilot a clear approach for an emergency landing and asked the pilot his position.

"I'm stopped at the taxiway near the runway," the pilot replied.

Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers

   1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
   2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
   3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
   4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
   5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
   6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
   7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
   8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
   9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
  10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

THE TANTRUM

The peace is shattered in an airplane by a five-year-old boy who picks the moment after the plane has taken off to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a Marine uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle.  Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.  All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.  "Excuse me, sir," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."

THE PA SYSTEM

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

Previously on Miss Cellania:
The Friendly Skies
Fly Me!
Snakes on a Plane

Thought for today: This damn flight’s lasted longer than my first marriage!  -JB, the Lazy Blogger 

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