People from many countries speak English. So it follows that there many different ways to speak English, and whichever you are used to is the RIGHT way. If you in England, you have a somewhat better argument because that’s where the language supposedly originated, but who can understand what those guys are saying anyway?

I fully expect to hear from Arbroath, Cheryl, and Wulfweard about British English, Peter and Meryl on Australian English, and Saskboy about Canadian English. Y’all have to remember, I’m just going by what I find on the internet.

The origins of words and names.

English with an Italian accent can sometimes land you in trouble!

Badabing’s Badaboom has posted a glossary of New York-New Jersey N’Italian slang terms. Then he followed up with an audio post and a post with additional slang terms.

What are those Canadians talking about? Addition translations can be found here.

100 Most Often Mispronounced Words and Phrases in English.  A lot of these grate against my brain when I hear them.

The alphabet has been around a long time. Don’t you think its time for an redesign? A critique of each letter. Made me giggle. (via the Presurfer)

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 100% Punctuation: 80% Vocabulary: 80% Spelling: 60%

Its a good thing I’m in broadcasting instead of writing!

New words that really make sense.

The Useless Men have some advice on understanding conversational English.

Hale McKay welcomed a guest blogger, Thesaurus Rex.

Punctuation counts! We “know” that  putting quotations marks around anything will negate it. Putting a comma in the wrong place can completely change the meaning of a sentence. And putting a question mark after something can mean you really didn’t SAY it, you’re just asking, that’s all. (via Yesbutnobutyes)

Some more UK vs US English translations. Remind me to keep my mouth shut if I ever go to England. (via Arbroath)

NAVY TALK

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a Naval conference that included admirals from the US, British, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.

He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences, rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

It got so quiet that you could hear a pin drop!

BRAIN SURGERY

(lifted from G’day Mate)

There was once an Englishman, a well educated gentleman with nothing to do in life except enjoy it. Often in the morning he would stroll around town before retiring to his club for lunch. Now it turned out that he fell ill and he went to see the doctor. After a series of tests and scans, the doctor informed him sadly that there was a massive tumour in his brain. Due to the location it was unlikely that he would have much pain and he should therefore not worry about it over the remaining three months of his life.

After a few moments of contemplating this (with a stiff upper lip), the gentleman asked if surgery was an option. The doctor was somewhat shocked but admitted that there was a possibility that this would result in giving him another twenty to thirty years of life but it was certain that there would be significant complications.

Not being one to quail in the face of adversity, the gentleman inquired about the specifics of the side effects. Well, the doctor explained that effectively one third of the brain would need to be removed. This would mean that the patient was no longer a fully functioning Englishman. In fact, he would be no different than an American - unable to spell or speak properly.

This came as a shock to our gentleman and it left him with an enourmous question - was it better to be a dead Englishman or a live American? The question was so difficult that he decided to take a week to think about it. One week slipped into two and then three and four before he returned to the doctor and asked for the surgery.

The doctor warned him that the delay may have made things worse but having put his hand to the plough, the gentleman refused to turn back.

The operation was scheduled for the next day and sure enough, the tumour had grown significantly. In order to excise the tumour the doctor was forced to remove two thirds of the brain rather than the proposed one third. He was quite concerned about this and made sure he was waiting by the patient's bedside as he came out from the anesthetic.

As the patient came around, the doctor propped him up on a pillow and began to explain the difficulties and complexities. The patient listened patiently but calmly. Thinking that he had failed to explain the ramifications - that the patient would have less than half the intelligence of even an American - the doctor started again but the patient held up his hand and said (in Aussie accent): “No worries mate, she'll be right.”

Previously on Miss Cellania: English and English 102

Thought for today: The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another.  When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

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