Mom told me about the time she and Dad entered Texas on the interstate. She said she noticed exit 800 something, and thought “They must number their exits differently in Texas”. But NOO, it was an eight hundred plus mile drive across the state. Thats almost a third of the width of the continental US! Yep, everything is big in Texas. Big buildings, big ranches, big nightclubs, big cities, big bank accounts, big hats, and big egos. A friend told me that the King Ranch in Texas was bigger than Rhode Island. Thats big. I know some wonderful folks in Texas; Johnny, Jules, Monica,  and the guys at File It Under. I’m counting on them all having big hearts and a big sense of humor. I hope they don’t want to hang me after this post, but the bigness of Texas makes it just too easy to produce  funny stuff.

Love those Texans!

Budweiser’s latest radio spot salutes proud Texans!

What makes you thank Texsuns tawk funny?

The East Texas Anti-Terrorist Training Camp.

The second annual Texas Redneck Games.

COWBOY BOOTS

(lifted from Wulfweard)

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, retired in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife "notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over, "nope."

Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow".

Furious, Ray yells, "DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!!!!!

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat".

SHORT JOKE

Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

BIGGER IN TEXAS

There was a little lady in Houston with big hair, a big Caddy and bigger-than-life makeup and fake jewlery. She was lounging in her big, plastic-covered chair one evening when the phone rang.

"Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

"Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested. I'm from Texas after all!"

ICE CREAM

The redeeming value of Texas is that they are kind enough to remind us to put ice cream on our pie.

“Remember the A La Mode!”

NEW YORK CITY

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York.

She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.

He said, "Ah'l go down raht now." So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.

The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?"

When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?"

He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady but mah wife's a'waitin fur me up in the room."

Thought for today: You Know You're From Texas when  the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.

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