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« Frogs | Main | Art »
Tuesday
Aug082006

Texas

texasviper_car_cop_01.jpgMom told me about the time she and Dad entered Texas on the interstate. She said she noticed exit 800 something, and thought “They must number their exits differently in Texas”. But NOO, it was an eight hundred plus mile drive across the state. Thats almost a third of the width of the continental US! Yep, everything is big in Texas. Big buildings, big ranches, big nightclubs, big cities, big bank accounts, big hats, and big egos. A friend told me that the King Ranch in Texas was bigger than Rhode Island. Thats big. I know some wonderful folks in Texas; Johnny, Jules, Monica,  and the guys at File It Under. I’m counting on them all having big hearts and a big sense of humor. I hope they don’t want to hang me after this post, but the bigness of Texas makes it just too easy to produce  funny stuff.

Love those Texans!

Budweiser’s latest radio spot salutes proud Texans!

What makes you thank Texsuns tawk funny?

The East Texas Anti-Terrorist Training Camp.

The second annual Texas Redneck Games.texaslimo.jpg

COWBOY BOOTS

(lifted from Wulfweard)

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, retired in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife "notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over, "nope."

Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow".

Furious, Ray yells, "DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!!!!!

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat".

texastruck.jpg

 

SHORT JOKE

Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

texasbush_airforceone.jpg

BIGGER IN TEXAS

There was a little lady in Houston with big hair, a big Caddy and bigger-than-life makeup and fake jewlery. She was lounging in her big, plastic-covered chair one evening when the phone rang.

"Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

"Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested. I'm from Texas after all!"

texascarwash.jpg ICE CREAM

The redeeming value of Texas is that they are kind enough to remind us to put ice cream on our pie.

“Remember the A La Mode!”

 

NEW YORK CITY

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York.

She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.

He said, "Ah'l go down raht now." So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.

The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?"

When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?"onlyintexas2.jpg

He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady but mah wife's a'waitin fur me up in the room."

Thought for today: You Know You're From Texas when  the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.

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Reader Comments (20)

Love the tribute to Texas. Living here in Texas as I do, I've seen most of those. :-)
08.08.06 @ 06:18AM | Unregistered CommenterCarlos
Just cuz I live here doesn't mean I like it. So make fun of it all you want....Fun on....
08.08.06 @ 07:27AM | Unregistered Commenterjules
I love the pictures today. My baby girl is a redneck at heart and I think we just found her dream vehicle (the stretch pick-up)!
08.08.06 @ 08:00AM | Unregistered CommenterStacy
Great post!
Thanks!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one
08.08.06 @ 09:51AM | Unregistered CommenterRaggedy
Those were great! Especially liked “Okay – where are you from, jackass?” LOL!

Thanks for sharing! Hope you have a great day!

PS- Added you to my Squidoo <a href="http://www.squidoo.com/enterthelaughter/">Link List of Funny People</a>
08.08.06 @ 10:44AM | Unregistered CommenterMarti
I'd add something funny, but what's funnier than Texas?
08.08.06 @ 12:23PM | Unregistered Commenteractor212
Those pics were a hoot, only in Texas! Have a great day!
08.08.06 @ 01:53PM | Unregistered CommenterKaren
I didn't know from Texas until my granddaughter attended UTA. She loves Texas and Texans and having met some of her Texan friends, I agree. Just don't ask me to go on a road trip through west TX. I did that once and thought I'd landed on the moon.
Humpday coming up, Miss C. I look forward to your next post.
08.08.06 @ 02:49PM | Unregistered Commentergoldenlucy
Loved that Cowboy Boots joke!! LOL

I enjoyed the Texsuns Tawk Funny too!

Thanks Miss C for the laughs about Texas!!!
08.08.06 @ 04:00PM | Unregistered CommenterRachel
Hello from Texas! These were great. Hahahahaha!
08.08.06 @ 08:46PM | Unregistered CommenterLaurie
A Nebraskan, a Texan, and a New Mexican were all together when they found a genie in a lamp. Having three wishes to give, the genie offered them one apiece. He let the Nebraskan choose first.

"I'm a corn farmer" the Nebraskan said. "My Daddy was a corn farmer, his Daddy was one, and my son will take over the farm when I get too old. My wish is that the corn fields of Nebraska be fertile and have great yields forever."

The genie waved his hand and it was done. Then he turned to the Texan.

"I'm sick to death of the out-of-state tourists coming to Texas. They're a bunch of city slicker idiots. I want you to build an impenetrable 50 foot brick wall around Texas, so they can't get in."

The genie waved his hand and it was done. He then turned to the New Mexican.

The New Mexican looked at the wall, then at the genie. He looked at the wall, then the Texan. Then he looked at the wall, and said "Fill it with water."
08.08.06 @ 09:23PM | Unregistered CommenterJoe the Troll
Some day I would love to visit Texas. But not in the summer.. I hear it gets terribly warm down there.

Love the jokes.. especially the triple saddled horse. :-)
08.08.06 @ 11:17PM | Unregistered CommenterSimply Coll
*ahem* :p
08.09.06 @ 01:35AM | Unregistered CommenterFTS
Why would people from Texas mind this? We like the attention in Texas, obviously. How many bloggers, or writers, in general, do salutes to Iowa/S. Dakota/Idaho/etc?

Thanks for the tribute, MC!
08.09.06 @ 09:59AM | Unregistered CommenterHoodlumman
FTS, I did NOT overlook you. I said "wonderful folks in Texas", not wonderful folks FROM Texas! Colorado's turn is coming.
08.09.06 @ 10:35AM | Unregistered CommenterMiss Cellania
MAN OH MAN I MISS TEXAS.

Thanks.
08.09.06 @ 05:05PM | Unregistered CommenterMotherPie
Well, um..Texas seems to be the one with the bumper sticker...I may not be from Texas but I got here as fast as I could! :)

I love Texas. I'm a Texan born and bred. My three children are Texans. I LOVE TEXAS. And not offended a'tall cause we loves the attention! :)

Hey, I got a blonde revenge joke for you:

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So brunettes can understand them!
08.10.06 @ 06:03PM | Unregistered CommenterMonica
New Yorker: How do you get to Texas?

Oklahoman: Well first you head west until you smell it and thwn you turn south and go until you step in it.

That's how you get to Texas.
08.17.06 @ 10:28PM | Unregistered CommenterApplefarmer
_|o[____]o
[1---L-OllllllO-
()_)()_)=°°=)_)
08.09.07 @ 07:47AM | Unregistered Commenterctd
wow those images were obviously photoshopped.....
03.06.08 @ 06:58PM | Unregistered Commenterperson

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