Texas
Tuesday, 08.08.06 @ 12:13AM 
Mom told me about the time she and Dad entered Texas on the interstate. She said she noticed exit 800 something, and thought “They must number their exits differently in Texas”. But NOO, it was an eight hundred plus mile drive across the state. Thats almost a third of the width of the continental US! Yep, everything is big in Texas. Big buildings, big ranches, big nightclubs, big cities, big bank accounts, big hats, and big egos. A friend told me that the King Ranch in Texas was bigger than Rhode Island. Thats big. I know some wonderful folks in Texas; Johnny, Jules, Monica, and the guys at File It Under. I’m counting on them all having big hearts and a big sense of humor. I hope they don’t want to hang me after this post, but the bigness of Texas makes it just too easy to produce funny stuff.
Love those Texans!
Budweiser’s latest radio spot salutes proud Texans!
What makes you thank Texsuns tawk funny?
The East Texas Anti-Terrorist Training Camp.
The second annual Texas Redneck Games.
COWBOY BOOTS
(lifted from Wulfweard)
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, retired in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife "notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "nope."
Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow".
Furious, Ray yells, "DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!!!!!
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat".
SHORT JOKE
Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”
BIGGER IN TEXAS
There was a little lady in Houston with big hair, a big Caddy and bigger-than-life makeup and fake jewlery. She was lounging in her big, plastic-covered chair one evening when the phone rang.
"Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."
"Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested. I'm from Texas after all!"
ICE CREAM
The redeeming value of Texas is that they are kind enough to remind us to put ice cream on our pie.
“Remember the A La Mode!”
NEW YORK CITY
A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York.
She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.
He said, "Ah'l go down raht now." So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.
The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?"
When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?"
He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady but mah wife's a'waitin fur me up in the room."
Thought for today: You Know You're From Texas when the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
humor jokes video funny games Texas Lone Star Dallas 
Save To Del.icio.us
Reader Comments (20)
Thanks!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one
Thanks for sharing! Hope you have a great day!
PS- Added you to my Squidoo <a href="http://www.squidoo.com/enterthelaughter/">Link List of Funny People</a>
Humpday coming up, Miss C. I look forward to your next post.
I enjoyed the Texsuns Tawk Funny too!
Thanks Miss C for the laughs about Texas!!!
"I'm a corn farmer" the Nebraskan said. "My Daddy was a corn farmer, his Daddy was one, and my son will take over the farm when I get too old. My wish is that the corn fields of Nebraska be fertile and have great yields forever."
The genie waved his hand and it was done. Then he turned to the Texan.
"I'm sick to death of the out-of-state tourists coming to Texas. They're a bunch of city slicker idiots. I want you to build an impenetrable 50 foot brick wall around Texas, so they can't get in."
The genie waved his hand and it was done. He then turned to the New Mexican.
The New Mexican looked at the wall, then at the genie. He looked at the wall, then the Texan. Then he looked at the wall, and said "Fill it with water."
Love the jokes.. especially the triple saddled horse. :-)
Thanks for the tribute, MC!
Thanks.
I love Texas. I'm a Texan born and bred. My three children are Texans. I LOVE TEXAS. And not offended a'tall cause we loves the attention! :)
Hey, I got a blonde revenge joke for you:
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can understand them!
Oklahoman: Well first you head west until you smell it and thwn you turn south and go until you step in it.
That's how you get to Texas.
[1---L-OllllllO-
()_)()_)=°°=)_)