A nice tall cool one for a hot weekend! Or at least some slightly humorous links and jokes about one, beer that is, today on Miss Cellania. Thanks to Carl for the first several links, which became the impetus for this post.

Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than beer!

How to open a beer bottle the American way,  then the Scandinavian way, also the Brazilian way,  and the difficult way.

There are lots more ways to open a beer bottle.

How to pour a beer. NOT!

How beer can save your life.

Whatever you do, hang onto your beer!

Test your beer-serving and bartending skills with the game The Bar.

I’m not as drunk as you think I am. A musical interlude.

Beer warning! (Thanks, Eva!)

 
BEER AND THE HUMAN BRAIN

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their university years. So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.
Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be.

CAJUN FIRST AID

Boudreaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy Thibodeaux. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife Clotile. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Boudreaux sprung up, pulled down his pants and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Boudreaux woke up with serious pain in both his head and butt and Clotile staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Boudreaux?"
Boudreaux said, "Mon cher, why you say such a mean ting?"
"Well," Clotile said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes but mostly.....
it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror".

Try some of the new Greenland Icecap Beer, the best benefit of global warming I’ve yet seen!

You can buy a hat made from a beer case for about $32. Or you can buy two cases, drink the beer, and try to make one yourself! Good luck.

More silliness at Rob’s Beer Quote Page.

Previously on Miss Cellania:
Alcohol
Beer
Tequila Beach Party
Drinking

Thought for today: He was a wise man who invented beer.  - Plato

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