Magician

There was a time when the word “magician” was not allowed in this home. See, I dated my husband when I was in high school (he was older). I got a job at a tourist-trap-type-place where entertainers from other states worked during the summer. The breakup with my boyfriend came because of a magician who “enchanted” me. That was history, and I eventually married my high school sweetheart. But he did NOT want to see me palming cards or playing finger games with coins. To this day I can figure out how a magician does a trick, but I also bite my tongue before admitting it.

There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence. -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII

Steve Martin as the Great Flydini.

Daniel Chesterfield, World’s Greatest Magician.

Mimes band together for the Million Mime March (motto: A million silent voices can say a lot). Also see the Adopt A Mime page!

Amazing Ventriloquist Kevin Johnson (via Arbroath) Here’s another routine.

Tom Riddler’s Magic Diary. Type in your question and get an immediate (and eerie) answer!

This magician is for the birds.

Everyone loves Magical Trevor!

Read your own Tarot with The Housewives Tarot. Also includes recipes! (Thanks, Bill!)

The World’s Most Dangerous Comic.

Magic Card Trick!

Magic Card Trick for idiots.

Magic Card Trick for complete idiots.

How to levitate a screw.

Is it a magic show or a strip tease? Both! Ursula Martinez obviously has nothing up her sleeve. NSFW.

THE MAGICIAN

A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for a volunteer from the audience. A man volunteered & went up on stage. The magician told him to pick up the 16 lb. sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement block & break the block apart with the sledgehammer, so the audience would know the sledgehammer was real.

So, the man swung the sledgehammer with all his might & shattered the cement block. The magician now told the man to hit him square in the face with the sledgehammer. Horrified, the man said, "No way. It'll probably kill you".

The magician insisted that the man hit him in the face, saying, "I'll be fine...I promise you...go ahead."

"Well,", the man replied, "OK here goes."

Again, the man swung the sledgehammer and aimed it at the magicians face.  The result was very bloody. The magicians nose was crushed, teeth fell out, blood everywhere. After 6 months in a coma in the hospital, the magician was lying in the hospital bed. One eye opened, the fingers flexed a bit, the other eye opened, and the magician sat straight up and said, "Ta-da!"

Criss Angel scares some folks in the park.

THE CRUISE SHIP

After much competition,a very talented  magician had just obtained a job performing on a luxury cruise ship. Each night his pet parrot interrupted and spoiled his  performance by saying "It's up his sleeve", "It's in his pocket" "It's in his shoe", etc, etc.

One night while performing the act, the ship's boiler blew up and the ship sank. The fortunate magician was able to grab onto one of the ship's planks, and along with his parrot, floated on the sea. The first few days that the wood drifted, the parrot just stared at the magician looking puzzled. On the 4th day the bewildered parrot looked at his master and said "I give up, what did you do with the ship?"

THE JUGGLER

(lifted from Wulfweard)
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.

"What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act," answers the man.

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

 
Previously on Miss Cellania: Illusions

 
Thought for today: More persons, on the whole, are humbugged by believing in nothing, than by believing too much.  -P.T. Barnum

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Comments

[Mike Ashley]

Aw the URL for the magician stripper wouldn't link? That's not to say I disappointed.

Last couple of days, I have been having trouble opening most of Blogroll. Playing catchup now.

[Miss Cellania]

Thanks for the heads up, Mike. I have it fixed now.

[Carlos]

Magical Trevor…that’s funny. My kids call Bob the Cat Magical Bob sometimes. Maybe it’s because he’s a black cat.

I can’t stand big, flashy TV magicians. There’s just too much that can be done by the director. I prefer street magicians, and especially card tricks.

[wendell]

Not to criticize, but mimes and jugglers are not magicians. The ventriloquist was quite impressive (reminded me of Rod Hull and his Emu http://www.povonline.com/cols/COL236.htm without the hilariously mindless violence), but wasn't really a magician either. You obviously are not old enough to remember The Ed Sullivan Show (if you do, shut up, I'm giving you a compliment) where all these were known as "Vaudeville" acts, or "the filler between Jackie Vernon and the Beatles".

Besides, you missed one of my favorites, Sylvester the Jester http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_zTB3R1-aU whose act consists of recreating "Cartoon Physics" live on stage.

[Miss Cellania]

I know that, Wendell, but where else would I put those links?

[jules]

I wanna be a magic stripper.

[Bonanza Jellybean]

Magicians kind of creep me out, honestly. They just give me the icks. They're not as bad as clowns though...

[actor212]

My idea of magic:

Making a six pack of beer disappear before my dinner plate is empty.

[Marti]

Wonderful as always! Loved the sobriety test! LOL

Hope you have a great day!

[Dick]

That magician in the Las Vegas park was amazing! The lady stripper is pretty good, too. I sent the knife juggler story to my son, the policeman, who I am sure will enjoy it. Thanks for your daily infusion of humor into my life.

[wendell]

Miss C said: I know that, Wendell, but where else would I put those links?

You mean you're never going to have a theme on "Vaudeville Acts" featuring a full-length VVNSFW version of "The Aristocrats"?

[Shelly]

I learned the magician and the parrot joke back in the '60s, probably 1964 or '65, in school. I still have the mimeo of it. Our reading teacher used it to help with our reading comprehension. She was a great teacher. Anyway, the joke was a bit longer and took place during WWII and the ship was sunk by a German torpedo. The parrot belonged to the captain, not the magician, which makes the punchline make more sense. The parrot would therefore be figuring out the tricks and not likely to have insider info as he would if he belonged to the magician. So, the punchline, when he gives up and asks how the trick was performed, had more impact. Still a great joke, tho, in any form.

[Senor]

Did he have had a switchblade up his sleeve?

[Magical Hypnotist]

Very nice blog. Funny and engaging. Keep on sharing the magic and merriment!