My town lies near a major interstate highway. As a radio announcer, I got to spend every afternoon explaining where the traffic jam was. It isn’t a matter of IF there will be a jam, but WHERE, since there’s at least one every day. In the winter, there’s always someone who will drive too fast for the weather and wreck. In the summer, there’s always a road crew building new lanes at one stretch or another. By the time they add a fourth lane each direction along the entire length of the highway, it will be neccessary to start adding a fifth. When the interstate is jammed, the secondary roads also become jammed, because the trucks have trouble negotiating the narrow curves, and the tourists are just lost. Makes you really wish you have a Porta-Potty in your car!

WHAT A TRAFFIC JAM!

The other day I went into the local religious book store, where I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled "Jesus Christ" as loud as he could. It was like a football game, with his shouting, "Go Jesus Christ Go."

Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a "sunny beach", and I saw him waving in a funny way with his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant, they squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

Several cars behind, a very nice large man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like "mother trucker" or mother from there. Maybe he was from Florida too. He must really love the Lord.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed the light had changed to yellow, and I stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign and I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful people!

A traffic junction in India. This gave me nightmares.

Probably the worst traffic jam ever.

Show the kids! Draw your car, then watch it drive down the street (along with other people’s drawings). (via Arbroath)

Communicate with other drivers with Driv-e-mocion. Could also get you killed.

This guy was stuck in a traffic jam so long, he made three videos! All three NSFW only for language.

Part Two continues the saga.

In Part Three, we find out what caused all this delay.

How’d that happen? Take a look at this crash!

Park the Car Game. Good luck-I hope you do better than I did.

ROAD RAGE

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ' Choose Life' license plate holder, the ' What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the ' Follow Me to Sunday- School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."

SHEEP

There was this really smart sheep down in Mexico who knew how to make butter and buttermilk.

One night she sneaked across the border and got a job working for a farmer, who set up a roadside stand and told her to try to sell the stuff. Unfortunately traffic was very heavy and the sight of this sheep making butter and buttermilk was so distracting that naturally there was an accident.

The police investigated and issued the farmer a citation for attempting to make an illegal ewe churn on a busy highway.

Previously on Miss Cellania: Traffi and Automotive and Vehicles

Thought for today: The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

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