Has school started in your area yet? Seems a bit early, but the public schools here are in full swing. They seem to have given up on the idea of three entire months off to let their little brains rot, and have opted instead for multiple breaks during the school year. We now have fall break, Christmas break, winter break (this is in February, not to be confused with Christmas break), and spring break. These breaks are great for the tourist industry, but not so much for working parents with daycare problems. This schedule has also caused schools to install air conditioners, which we certainly didn’t have when I was a kid, walking six miles to school, uphill both ways, every day in the snow.

I will shortly be mom to a third grader and a fourth grader. Multiplication drills and long division. Fractions. World history. Dioramas. Science fair projects. An hour of homework for each girl every night. I am SO not looking forward to this.

LIFESAVERS

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers. The children began to say:

"Red.........................cherry,"

"Yellow...................lemon,"

"Green......................"lime"

"Orange.....................orange,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," the teacher said, "I'll give you all a clue, it's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled: "Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"

BIG PEOPLE WORDS

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on "no baby talk."

"You need to use 'big people' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

"I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your grandmother. Use 'big people' words. She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

"I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a train. You must remember to use 'big people' words." She then asked little Alec what he had done.

"I read a book," he replied. 

"That's wonderful!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

Alec thought real hard about it, puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Crap."

How to flunk an exam. (Thanks, Bill!)

Blog of the day: NYC Educator has issues in education and politics, and how they intertwine.

Lots of teacher jokes here.

THE EXAM

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Never goes sour.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A

Previously on Miss Cellania: School Children and College

Thought for today: The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.        ~Will Rogers

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