The Frog Prince and other Fairy Tales
Wednesday, 07.19.06 @ 12:22AM 
We cherish the classic tales of childhood, where horrible witches eat little children, parents are killed left and right, and the only way a lowly-born woman can find happiness is to kiss frog after lyin' frog til one turns into a prince. You may not live happily ever after with a prince, but you probably won't starve. And pity the poor prince who is forced into marrying the only princess who woke up complaining about a pea under the mattress. I had always wondered about that marriage. And I'll never understand why she just didn't go sleep somewhere else.
These stories are just a little bit different. you may want to read over them before sharing with the kids.
Kiss That Frog (via PAgent’s Progress)
THE FROG PRINCE
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
Later that night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed froglegs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought...
"I don't think so." (Thanks, Christy!)
THE FROG PRINCESS
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Kenju retold the tale of Lancelot and the Witch, a great story you need to check out.
Make your own story with the Fairy Tale Generator. (Thanks, Bill!)
GALLERY OF FOOLISHNESS
(click to enlarge) 
Thought for today: If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales. ~Albert Einstein~
PS This post originally appeared March 1, 2006. Somehow, it was lost in the file importing process when I moved to Squarespace. So I've recreated it for you here, with some new and updated links thrown in.
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Reader Comments (13)
Cheers.
The rest of the linkies worked.
Have a wonderful day!
hugsss
There once was a really cute princess who was walking through the woods. All of a sudden she heard a voice calling, "Hey Really Cute Princess!"
She looked around and didn't see anyone or anything but a frog sitting on a big rock. She started to carry on her way but the frog called again. "Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow next to you, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!"
It had been a very long and boring day so she decided to pick up the frog and give it a try though she really didn't believe the frog at all.
The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow beside her. When she woke up the next day what do you think she found? There on her pillow beside her sat a really Handsome Prince.
Do you believe this story?
No! Neither did her mother!
-----------------------------
A drunk was sitting in a bar, and says, "Bartender! Give me another drink."
The bartender shakes his head and says, "No you’re already drunk."
"Well," the drunk says. "How about if I show you something really neat? Then, will you give me another drink?"
"Ok," the bartender says. "It will have to be spectacular."
The drunk takes a small saxophone and a frog out of his pockets and sets them on the bar. The frog picks up the saxophone and starts playing a jazzy song. The bartender says that is worth a drink. The drunk guzzles it down, and asks for another drink.
"You can’t have another one," the bartender says. "You've had to many already."
"If you let me have another drink I'll show you more spectacular than the frog," says the drunk. The bartender laughs at the drunk but he agrees to give him just one more drink. The drunk pulls out a hamster and puts it up on the bar beside the frog. The frog begins to play the saxophone again, and the hamster begins to sing to the music. The bartender laughs, and sits another drink on the bar.
Another guy who was seated next to the drunk watching the show, says to him, "You've got an amazing team there. I'll give you $1,000,000 for them right now."
"They are not for sale," the drunk says.
"Ok, $1,000,000 just for the frog."
"He’s not for sale."
"Ok, $1,000,000 just for the hamster."
The drunk says ok, so the guy gives the drunk the money and walks out of the bar.
The bartender, shocked and confused asks the drunk, "Why did you sell the hamster? You broke up an amazing team!"
"No I didn’t," the drunk says. "You see, the frog's a ventriloquist.
(I see we are neighbors almost!!).
Then along comes Prince Swashbuckle, a man who does for dragons what James Bond does for evil villains. He successfully completes every task that Smartypants sets for him, then turns up at the castle to demand she marry him.
Fortunately Smartypants has a simple solution: she turns him into a gigantic warty toad. Just like that. Swashbuckle wedges himself into his sports car and drives off quickly, while Princess Smartypants stays happily single.
I always thought Prince Swashbuckle should come back as a spider and scare her witless, but maybe she would just have trodden on him...
Thankyou for the link. (Its my third)
http://simunation.blogspot.com/2006/01/ms-riding-hoods-swinging-granny.html
I'd been wondering why you hadn't updated in three months, and it turned out you moved.
Glad I finally located you.
Did she become bitter, fugly bitch who works at IRS?
I think I've seen her...
I really like that Shortest Fairytale.
I don't blame that guy for keeping the talking frog. I might choose to keep that too rather than kiss the frog in the hopes of getting a prince. What if I don't like the prince? Then, I'd be stuck. But, who WOULDN'T like a talking frog??
There's a great comic book entitled FABLES - definitely for mature readers (DC's Vertigo line) you might want to check out. Love the takes on classic characters. :)
I just.couldn't.take it anymore.