Male Sexuality
Monday, 07.17.06 @ 12:07AM 
To think that you are expert in the opposite sex is like thinking you are an expert at raising children. As I’ve said before, you may, over time, become an expert in your own children, but that doesn’t extrapolate to other children. Its the same with men. Or women, for that matter. Each case is a mystery unto itself. I’m certainly not claiming to be an expert on this subject. I’m not even competent to discuss it even the least bit seriously. But I seem to have collected a lot of links on men and sex, so the logical thing for me to do is put them all together and share them with you!
I’ve seen these before, but never one this long. The LIST I’m talking about is Things NOT to Say During Sex.
New book that explains it all: The Alphabet of Manliness.
Sometimes, what a guy wants in a woman is a pretty big order to fill.
10 Ways to Freak Out Your Date.
10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Naked Guy.
The cost of having sex with your girlfriend calculator. There’s also versions for “wife” and “women you pick up”.
Put a name in the generator and see what comes out. I did NOT put my own name in this.
| Your Penis Name Is... |
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How men screw up romance.
Why do men like oral sex?
Several reasons you don’t have to wear a condom. And one reason you do.
Along the same lines, Wulfweard found some "art" to illustrate the need for condoms.
Music Video: Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me.
This is a cartoon you don’t want to have to explain to the kids: Well Hung Man.
The VD Song. More clever than you would think.
TECHNOLOGY
(Thanks, Eva!)
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds he pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $20." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from Their Wives, 50 Cents." He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his 'friend' into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.
Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his 'friend' which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
| You Are a Good Student of Men |
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FINANCES
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
SPECIAL SECTION FOR THE GUYS
A big list of quizzes from Liquid Generation’s “Whoose Boobs?” series. May contain some nudity if you look hard enough, I didn’t. (Thanks, Linda!)
TERA, the Topfree Equal Rights Association, is fighting so that women may have the right to go topless in public. Bless them.
Bikini Bounce is a game where you bounce your little guy off a set of boobs to collect points.
CONDOMS
A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to make love. When they were finished, she discovered there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?"
His nervous reply was, "Well, I masturbated with them."
Later, she approached one of her male friends and told him the story. She asked, "Have you ever done that?"
"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked.
"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
Previously at Miss Cellania: Manliness, Men, Male Anatomy, Mr. Right, Man Things, and Manly Men.
Thought for today: Back in the days before I got edumacated, I wuz told that there were only three stages in a male's sex life:
Tri-weekly, try weekly, and try weakly. -Skunkfeathers
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Reader Comments (22)
Skunk, I appreciate your contributions anytime!
TC and Omegamom, thanks!
Rachel, the first time I read the joke, it lacked the last two lines. Then I read it and it lacked the last line only. I think they definitely improve the overall joke!
I am just getting into your post here. Are there really any experts on this stuff? I love the twister bed..ha-ha
Did you read that Alphabet book? It looks very strange indeed.
The guy thinks he has women figured out took me here.. Not Found There is nothing here No web page for this address 404 Error
My Darling letter was a hoot! That guy is dreaming….lol
10 ways to freak out date… This reminded me that a gal told FTS he had Brad Pitt lips…
Should not say to a Naked guy was so cute!
Calculator was funny… This a link to a better calculator…
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=6366
I put in a name of a mutual friend of ours. His name came up as Thrill Drill.
Sometimes it is so clear that we look at the same things. I have the How men screw up vid in my download files.
I don’t believe the oral sex one. I think women not talking is way down the list. You know dern well they are not thinking bout that, when they are getting that.
That would be a good reason to wear one. I liked her accent..
I left a comment for Wulf when I saw this. I could not believe it. I had a very good friend who welded this for me and gave it to me for a gift. The nut without a washer was written on a white piece of paper taped on to it. It is a gun metal gray color and I had totally forgotton aobut it till I saw his post.
More sex than me was a riot! The numbers on the bunnies was cute.. I laughed when the endowed girl rabbit ran by in the background with 1718 on her chest.. He looked so pathetic and sad at the end of the vid. Poor Poor bunny wabbit..so sad.
Well hung man song was funny.
I liked the little blue jamming rubbers in VD Song..
I have the button joke in my documents. I got it a few years ago. I forgot about it till I read it here again. A little has changed but it is still very funny!
I have a PhD in Men
You understand men almost better than anyone.
You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.
Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.
I loved Finances..lmao
I failed the boob test..lol
Wow on TERA there is a lot of new there.
I didn’t do to good bouncing on the bikini bounce..lol
Lol at skunk.
You might like this one..lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUqmFdmm4ME&search=ketchup%20hand%20job
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one
My reputation preceeds me, I see...
I've warned you about this before. No excitement please... Esp when you know how frail I am. You naughty girl!
Thank you,
lucyd
Am I surprised? Nope. ;)
What I *am* surprised about is that my penis' name is Mr. Potato Head.
Meh.
;o)>
BJ, thats the best line of the day so far!
Raggedy, that link was killer. Thanks!
Anony Mouse, I really can't recall now...
Carl, you need to go back and use one of your many pseudonyms. Ivan teh Terrible is ... terrible.
Lucy, you didn't have to read it all.
Hoss, I shoulda known.
Ed, he did get around, didn't he?
RisibleGirl, what did you expect when you put in a woman's name? Congrats on the Phd!
p.s. PhD. in men! HA! Damn, I'm good! but don't tell anybody, ok?)