To think that you are expert in the opposite sex is like thinking you are an expert at raising children. As I’ve said before, you may, over time, become an expert in your own children, but that doesn’t extrapolate to other children. Its the same with men. Or women, for that matter. Each case is a mystery unto itself. I’m certainly not claiming to be an expert on this subject. I’m not even competent to discuss it even the least bit seriously. But I seem to have collected a lot of links on men and sex, so the logical thing for me to do is put them all together and share them with you!

I’ve seen these before, but never one this long. The LIST I’m talking about is Things NOT to Say During Sex.

New book that explains it all: The Alphabet of Manliness.

Sometimes, what a guy wants in a woman is a pretty big order to fill.

10 Ways to Freak Out Your Date.

10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Naked Guy.

The cost of having sex with your girlfriend calculator. There’s also versions for “wife” and “women you pick up”.

 Put a name in the generator and see what comes out. I did NOT put my own name in this.

Your Penis Name Is...

Phantom Lord of Ultimate Darkness

How men screw up romance.

Why do men like oral sex?

Several reasons you don’t have to wear a condom. And one reason you do.

Along the same lines, Wulfweard found some "art" to illustrate the need for condoms. 

Music Video: Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me.

This is a cartoon you don’t want to have to explain to the kids: Well Hung Man.

The VD Song. More clever than you would think.

TECHNOLOGY

(Thanks, Eva!)

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds he pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $20." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from Their Wives, 50 Cents." He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his 'friend' into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his 'friend' which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.

You Are a Good Student of Men

Miss C is pretty good at knowing what men are thinking But she’s not dead on 100% of the time Let a guy off the hook sometimes... like you always do!

FINANCES

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. 

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. 

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
 

SPECIAL SECTION FOR THE GUYS

A big list of quizzes from Liquid Generation’s “Whoose Boobs?” series. May contain some nudity if you look hard enough, I didn’t. (Thanks, Linda!)

TERA, the Topfree Equal Rights Association, is fighting so that women may have the right to go topless in public. Bless them.

Bikini Bounce is a game where you bounce your little guy off a set of boobs to collect points.

CONDOMS

A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to make love. When they were finished, she discovered there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?"

His nervous reply was, "Well, I masturbated with them."

Later, she approached one of her male friends and told him the story. She asked, "Have you ever done that?"

"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.

"You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked.

"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."

Previously at Miss Cellania: Manliness, Men, Male Anatomy, Mr. Right, Man Things, and Manly Men.

Thought for today:  Back in the days before I got edumacated, I wuz told that there were only three stages in a male's sex life:
Tri-weekly, try weekly, and try weakly.  -Skunkfeathers

Save To Del.icio.us