Many years ago, I figured out the secret to a great Christmas is to keep your expectations on a realistic level. Look at the inevitable disasters as a comedy of errors. That said, I had a wonderful Christmas.

I got tagged twice for memes while I was busy posting Christmas links. Actually three times, but I got out of one since I’d already done the book meme. One was “6 weird things about me” from Lighting Bug’s Butt. The other is “5 things you didn’t know about me” from Aquaman. Looks like I can kill two birds with one stone, so I here are a half-dozen weird things you didn’t know about me.

1. I hold a Life Saver candy in my fingers and bite pieces off. Most people put the whole thing in their mouth. I didn’t know this was weird til someone recently pointed it out to me.

2. Despite being the oldest child of a shutterbug, there is only one baby picture of me. Also one taken at about three years of age, and one at age fourteen. No other pictures of my childhood exist because my home burned down when I was 17. Thats why I love digital photography- its so easy to share!

3. I once co-hosted a teen dance television show. I was 24 years old, but I felt like I was too old for the job. If I had the opportunity to do that again, I’d jump on it, with a better attitude.

4. My first major in college was fashion design. Don’t laugh; there have been several times in my life I’ve made extra money by sewing! I dropped it because I knew I wasn’t competitive enough for the business.

5. My husband and I were married for over a year when we found that the presiding minister had never signed our marriage liscence! Neither the state nor the county officials had caught it. He was called down to the courthouse to sign it, better late than never!

6. The Morbid Curiosity Shop has a page of quotes about their products. I gave them a quote after I featured them here and on YesButNoButYes. Now I am on their “What People are Saying”  page along with serial killers Richard Ramirez and Arthur Shawcross. That gives me the creeps just thinking about it.

Now I am supposed to tag others for this, but I hate to play favorites. So do this meme if you want to! If you don’t, try out some of these non-Christmas links that have been piling up.

UK animators The Brothers McLeod have given their resident ninja Fuggy Fuggy his own music video. I particularly liked the breakdancing ninja pig!
Fist of Fuggy

Mix clips of the best parts of the Benny Hinn Show with music from Drowning Pool, and you get this video, Let the Bodies Hit the Floor. A perfect match.

Instant message Titanic. (via Dump Trumpet)

This Head On spot is only 35 seconds, but it seems like years. If you don’t have a headache already, you might make it through. (via Everlasting Blort)

This guy is an idiot. He needs to be slapped. I did, and I felt better afterwards. (via the Presurfer)

Now that Christmas is behind us, 2007 is ahead of us. I’m working on  New Year posts, so if you know any interesting end-of-the-year lists or New Year humor, please let me know. If I find something anywhere near the quality of Driftglass’ post of about a year ago called Bye Bye 2005, I will be very happy.

ALTERNATE DEFINITIONS

The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply  alternate meanings for various words. (via Bits and Pieces)
   1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
   2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
      gained.
   3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
   4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
   5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
   6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
      absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
   7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
   8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
   9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
      are run over by a steamroller
  10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
  12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
      proctologist immediately before he examines you.
  13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
  14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
  15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul
      goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
  16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
  17.  bonus round: Inuendo:(n), Italian word for suppository

Game Over. This is clever. (via YesButNoButYes)

Attrition.org is a computer security Web site. They answer most questions, no matter how stupid or psychotic they may be. Todd Shriber turned to them for help in changing his college GPA. The email exchange lasted months and had me giggling so hard I thought I’d wake the kids. Then just a few days ago, we find out who Todd Shriber is, which made me giggle even more. (via Scribal Terror)

Its US vs. UK in an online geography competition, and you can participate, too!

Unfortunate name of the week: Lucious Pusey.

On July 2, 1982, 33-year-old Larry Walters attached over 40 helium filled weather balloons to a lawn chair and took off into the skies over Los Angeles. A startled airline pilot reported seeing him at an altitude of 16,000 feet. Walters had taken a portable CB radio and a BB gun to shoot balloons in order to descend. After shooting several balloons, he dropped the gun. He traveled 45 minutes and descended into some power lines in Long Beach, alighting uninjured. Now the audio file of the CB transmissions during Walters’ flight is available, along with lots more information on this odd stunt, at the official site of The Lawnchair Pilot. (via Metafilter)

Remember the Dove Evolution video that was going around a couple of months ago? The parody is called the Evolution of a Slob. (via Bits and Pieces)

The 10 Greatest Rock Guitar Riffs Of All Time! I couldn’t play these on guitar, but since the music is printed, I could try working some up on keyboard.

Gifter.org is an online experiment in social giving. Gifter will donate a dollar to charity for every comment you leave expressing your wish for the world at The Million Dollar Blog Post. They are also looking for donors to sponsor the million wishes.  Donate and get a link to your website.

Headlines

(lifted from Things People Said)
    * "Slain Doctor Worried About His Death" -- In a local paper in Canada.
    * "Public Inquiry To Be Launched Into Avalanche" -- A front page headline in the National Post.
    * "Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals" -- In a local paper.
    * "Ministry Probes Dead Fish" -- In a local paper in Canada.
    * "Nixon Beneath the Surface" -- The headline of an expose column about Richard Nixon, several days after his death.
    * "Golfing Immortal Dies Aged 69" -- A headline in a New Zealand paper.
    * "Flawless Take-Off Marred By Hitch" -- A headline in a New Zealand paper.
    * "Holy Mother Crushes Sacred Infant" -- In a Catholic newspaper, referring to a basketball game between two Catholic High Schools.
    * "Women Look Good" -- In a Canadian newspaper, referring to the women's curling team during the 1998 Winter Olympics.
    * "Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use" -- A local newspaper of a suburb of Toronto, describing a committee set up by the board of education and the local municipality to investigate marijuana use among high school students.
    * "Church Plan Upsets Brothel" -- Adelaide Advertiser, October 23, 2000
    * "Man Died of Natural Causes" -- Wirral News Group, October 25, 2000
    * "School Praised After Vandalism" -- West Briton, November 9, 2000
    * "Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty" -- Independent, November 19, 2000
    * "Rise of 'Mutants' Leaves France a Divided Nation" -- Times, November 21, 2000
    * "Pepsi To Increase Recycled Content In Products." -- The headline of an article in Plastics news about Pepsico increasing the amount of recycled plastic in their bottles.

Thought for today: I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

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