Are you freaking out on Christmas Overload yet? So am I! But unlike all those wonderful sweet greetings you get in your inbox and your snail mailbox, these links are a bit rude and crude. Well, some of them are. Some are nice! Some are naughty but nice! Points to you if you can figure out which is which... me, I’ve got  more material than I can possibly sort out, and I’m a real person with cookies to bake and gifts to wrap, so I’m down to just throwing links at you and hoping something sticks. Meaning, I hope there’s something here you may enjoy.

The title graphic today comes from The Christmas song generator. You can put your own name in carols, too! (via the Generator Blog)

Jon Stewart’s remix of the White House’s Christmas show, Barney’s Christmas Extravaganza. The original White House version is here.

The Star Wars Holiday Special is now available on YouTube, in anout ten parts. Or you could try to make it through the five-minute condensed version.

The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker Suite by  Tchaikovsky, performed entirely on bicycle parts. You can download this and/or send it as a holiday greeting! This YouTube version ends by showing you what each bicycle part sounds like individually. (via Ursi’s Blog)

SYMBOLISM

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carol's." 

Three Little Pigs Christmas

Take the Christmas Gullibility Test. I only missed one!

A little nostalgia from the Cold War Era, here’s Weird Al Yankovic with Christmas at Ground Zero.

Pimp My Nutcracker! (Thanks, Bill!)

What will you get for the Twelve Days of Christmas? (via Cyber Chocolate) 

For the twelve days of Christmas, your true love will send you:

Twelve glam rockers drumming Eleven marshmallows a-puffing Ten elves a-leaping Nine ladies yodeling Eight llamas a-milking Seven fruitcakes a-festering Six drunks a-drinking Five golden necklaces Four calling booty calls Three French tourists Two starving Olsen twins And a fairy in a olive tree

Battlestar Galactica Holiday Greeting (via Driftglass)

The annoying toy of the year award goes to the flying monkey. Get one for the child of someone you really need to get revenge on. (Thanks, Linda!)

X-rated Christmas Ornaments available from (who else?) Spencer’s Gifts.

The rudest Christmas song ever. This is awful. Don’t watch it. Don’t even think about going to YouTube for this. You’ve been warned.

Justin Timberlake on SNL. He’s got a Christmas gift.

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED

(Thanks, Eva, April, and Jeanine!)
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me!

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy ... oooh look at the Froggy ... can I have a chocolate ... why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...

Thought for today: In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!'  or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'  ~Dave Barry

humor jokes video funny games Christmas holiday