I haven’t done much fine dining lately. Kid wills do that to you. We frequent buffets and fast-food joints. One day, we passed a nice place. Princess says, “Thats a restaurant. How come we never go there?”
I replied, “That restaurant is more for adults.”
“How come?” she asked.
“Well, its slow, and its expensive, and they serve alcohol.”
Then Gothgrrl explains, “They take so long to get your food so you can kiss your boooooyfriend, and say romaaaaantic things!”

She has the right idea. Sorta. I wouldn’t really know.

Dorothy gives us step-by-step instructions for being a good restaurant patron.

Penny illustrates what can happen when a customer goes too far.

The mother of all internet restaurant sites, Bitter Waitress. Your goal in life is to NOT make the Shitty Tipper Database.

Blog of the day: Waiter Rant. Full of wonderful stories.

A Bastard’s Guide to Tipping.

The Villanalle sandwich. If you’re confused, here’s the explanation for a villanelle.

For some “quickies” (see joke below), a page of jokes on the “fly in my soup” theme.

The Waitress Game. I failed miserably at this.

THE PATIENT WAITER

 
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a  restaurant. First, he'd asked that the air conditioning be  turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be  turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about  half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back  and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second  customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't  even have an air conditioner."

THE QUICKIE

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

THE CHEF

 
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his surprise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

Previously on Miss Cellania: Eating Out, McDonalds,  and Fast Food

Thought for today: A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

humor jokes video funny restaurant games fine dining waiter waitress eatery diner