Its not too early for Halloween stories, is it? I was collecting links on monsters and I had so many zombie links, another post was miraculously born. Well, maybe not a miracle. It could be a curse. Curse of the Zombies! Where the Undead spring forth from their graves and roam the land, searching for human flesh to consume and lusting for human brains!
 
The story of a real-life documented zombie! (via Neatorama)

The Top Three Zombie Outbreaks in US history.

What are zombie behaviors?

A photoset from the recent Zombie Rights March in Austin, TX.

Bollywood does Thriller (sorta)


Here’s the story of how Frank lost his brains.

I doubt that any of this is the least bit real, but its a horrible horrible thing to do to anyone. The Videogame Zombie.

Retrocrush has a list of the 20 Greatest Zombie Movies with video samples!

Night of the Living Dead in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency was responsible for controlling the nation's vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead. This site is a tribute to the men and women who served in the FVZA, especially the over 4000 Agents who lost their lives fighting to keep our country safe.

Zombie Comedian


How do you know a zombie is tired?
He's dead on his feet.

What happened to the zombie who had a bad cold?
He said, "I'm dead-up wid fuddy jokes aboud zondies."

What do little zombies play?
Corpses and Robbers.

What did the zombie get a medal for?
Deadication.

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?
It's a dead-letter day.

Where do zombies go for cruises?
The Deaditerranean Sea.

What did the zombie's friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?

What do you call a zombie in a belfry?
A dead ringer.

What happened when the ice monster got angry with the zombie?
He gave him the cold shoulder.

What did the zombie eat after its teeth were pulled out?
The dentist.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.

ZOMBIE GAMES

I found a game called Zombie Terror. Its one of those old-fashioned walk-and-jump games, and I didn’t get all that far. The only thing I killed was a bat, then I lost my last life impaled on a fence. Maybe you could do better.

Zombie Grinder is a lot faster, and you get to shoot zombies. The music is annoying unless you're a metalhead. I still didn’t do well.

Zombie Erik is a target shoot game where I killed a bunch of them.

Zombie Tic Tac Toe seems awful simple to me, but my kid played it for an hour. Decent sound effects.

Urban Dead is a massive multiplayer online game where the dead rise up and thrive, trailing through the ruined streets of the city, milling between buildings and clawing through makeshift barricades and diversions, reclaiming the city as their own. I didn’t play it because I honestly don’t have the time to get into something like that.

But for a real thrill, try Deanimator. I’ve posted it before, but its worth another look.

THE PRIZE

by Pax Romano

It was going to be a perfect night for trick or treating. A harvest moon glowed eerily in the night time sky, a blanket of crispy leaves covered the side walk, and the smell of burning wood seemed to come from several directions making the night's natural odor a bit spicier than normal.

Maggie Houston grunted as she placed the last of the three jack-o-lanterns on to her porch. She'd spent most of the afternoon carving a trio of pumpkins, and was pretty impressed with her handiwork. Wiping her hand across her forehead she surveyed the street for trick or treaters. None yet. But it was early and Halloween night was young.

Turning from the street, Maggie walked back into her home. The smell of apple cider held strong in the air. Quickly, she darted into the kitchen and checked the pot on the wood burning stove to make sure it hadn't boiled over. Satisfied that the cider was just fine, she walked over to the cellar door and inspected the deadbolt lock, it was somewhat obsessive of her, but she could not help but to yank on it and make sure it was indeed clasped shut.

The lock held fast.

In the living room, an early season fire burned merrily in the hearth. She thought of her grandmother, and her belief that on All Soul's Eve, one was to have the first fire of the year. She also recalled her grandmother leaving small glasses of wine on the floor by the fire, these were meant for the dearly departed, friends and loved ones, maybe even those you never knew; because on Halloween night, the dead came back, and you wanted to make sure you had something to satisfy them.

Just then the wind -up clock on the mantle struck seven. Maggie jumped turning away from the fire and smiled. It was time to start, she thought to her self, time to begin the Halloween festivities. She ran back out to the front porch and took a portable stereo and set it on a small table on her deck. Pressing the play button, the night was suddenly filled with sounds of groans, and rattling chains and crazed laughter, "they love this stuff", she said out loud and laughed. For a second she forgot herself and glanced at the houses across the street. Not a light on, not a shred of Holiday cheer to be found…then she caught her self and remembered everything. She sighed and smiled and walked down the pathway to her front gate and undid the wrought iron swing door's many bolts and chains, piling them on the faded lawn, and then, like a child preparing for a celebration she dashed back up the walk into her house, laughing out loud.

The cellar door opened and Maggie used a flashlight to make her way down… this is where she kept them, the pests, the offerings, the survivors who somehow made their way through the new world to her front door. They would often remark how her street seemed free of any of the dead. She would smile to herself but not let on that she had her own way of dealing with the dearly departed, they respected her and she respected them, and they NEVER bit the hand that fed them…Immediately she heard the pests making their noises. One of them, a man of about forty with shocking red hair reached for her through the bars of the makeshift holding cell she had constructed several years ago. Maggie jerked back and pulled a small 44. Caliber out of the apron pocket she was wearing (this one adorned with black cats and witches on broomsticks), the others began to scream at the sight of the gun. Some of them pleaded, the female to the man's right said, "Stop, what are you doing? Are you insane?"

Maggie shot the woman a look that stopped her in her tracks, the man, however, took up where she left off, "Look lady, I don't know what your game is. But you really need to let us out of here, what if those things got into your house? Who would help you?" he paused for a second and before he could continue Maggie shot him in the forehead. The others screamed and ran for the back of the cage.

She unlocked the cage and yanked the mans body out…it was easy if you did not think about it…really, the rules have changed, is all. Today you got by and survived anyway you could … today you gave the devil his due … today you made sure the dearly departed where appeased, and this meant feeding them when it was called for … today you used other breathing beings as cattle, as an ends to a mean … today you invited in weary travelers and fed them great meals laced with sleeping powders, and just like the witch in Hansel and Gretel, you caged them up and continued feeding them until they were ready to be slaughtered … today, your years as the daughter of a cattle farmer paid off…today, you were the only breathing one NOT living in fear, today you might well be queen of the world…

It was tough, but she got his body up the stairs and with a grunt, dumped him in the washtub in the summer kitchen. Then, she pulled the big black box out from under the tub. Opening the case her eyes grew wide as she glanced down at the collection of surgical instruments all polished to a high shine. She took the items she needed out and slowly; she began to remove body parts; fingers first, and then hands, and then limbs and cuts of the torso and finally, the prize.

Once the pieces were arranged on the butcher’s table, Maggie placed them gently into a large white canvas bag. The last thing she put into the sack, was the head with its crown of red hair.

When she was through, Maggie resembled a walking strawberry, she laughed at her own bloody reflection in the summer kitchen’s mirror, and quickly changed out of her foul clothes into clean ones, then she waited and finally…

The sound of trick-or-treaters at her front door.

Flinging open the door she saw them on her porch. A motley crew of Halloween revilers. Most of them were familiar. A dozen or so of her former neighbors and friends, and their children, all in various states of decay. It sort of bothered her that no one said, "trick or treat" these days, but that was ok, she'd seen all types of pleasantries go the way of button down shoes lately.

"Well look at this bunch!" Maggie said smiling brightly, and with that they put out their hands and Maggie nodded her head and reached into the sack, which was now as red as a sunset. Like Santa Claus, she handed out treats to those who came begging. The little ones were given fingers and toes to nibble on, the adults got yards of intestines, a nun who's right arm was missing was given the heart which she immediately stuffed into her mouth and chewed down on, "Excuse me", Maggie said sternly to the nun, "What do we say?" The dead nun stopped her chewing, and as the gore dripped from her mouth, she starred blankly at Maggie, "Well?" Maggie said not looking away from the sister while the other trick-or-treaters swayed and moaned.

And then, the nun opened her mouth and said, "Ttthaaaaannnnnyooooooouuuu", sounding for the entire world like air being released from a tire.

Maggie let out a whoop and threw the nun an extra piece of meat, saying, "Very good, just because your dead don't mean that good manners have flown out the window."

And then, as if on cue, the others began moaning seemingly in unison until finally, Maggie could make out their various pleasantries, "Ok, then", she said to the group, "time to get a move on there should be others arriving shortly". Again, as if on cue, they all turned and walked off of the porch.

Once they had they had made their way down the street, Maggie saw others following, dozens of them…and all through the night, the dead came to the door of Maggie Houston; old friends, former neighbors, one ex husband, the mayor, and strangers, many strangers; and all were fed by the stout woman with the bloody red bag.

-Midnight-

Back at her front gate, Maggie reattached all of the locks. She looked up for a moment and saw that the moon was floating over her Victorian style home, looking just like a post-card. She smiled as she finished locking up.

Inside, she sat in front of the fire and drank some apple cider and enjoyed a bowl of bean soup (beans she had grown over the summer in her own garden). The soup was savory and rich and filled her. Later on as she mopped the rest of the broth up with some homemade bread she thought of the prize and leapt from her chair and dashed back to the hallway. There at the bottom of the bloody sack the prize lay unclaimed. Pity, she thought, a big one at that, and nobody got it. Reaching into the sack, Maggie removed the prize and gently stroked it. Somewhere, deep inside of her, she felt herself shiver. She thought back to the young ranch hands on her daddy's farm when she was a young woman, to warm summer nights. She felt herself getting flushed and decided that she would keep the prize for herself, maybe as a little treat of a different sort. And with that she wrapped the member in waxed paper and put it in a Tupperware container and placed the container on a shelf in the kitchen.

Later on, Maggie brought the remaining pests their dinner. Soup, bread, apple cider and pumpkin biscuits. The three of them eyed her as she placed the trays down and undid the cage door. Two women and a man, stark naked. They huddled in a corner of the cage and said nothing as she set the meal out on the wooden table in the cage. Careful so as not to take her eyes off of them, Maggie backed out of the cage, re-locked the door and headed back up the steps. She paused on the top step and waited, and in a few minutes she heard the sounds of silverware being used. Smiling she went up stairs and locked the cellar door behind her.

As she prepared for bed that night, Maggie was already planning Thanksgiving. She really wanted to show her guests a wonderful time this year, so she'd better get those pests fattened up but good, maybe she'd luck out and get some survivors before then to add to the veal pen.

Finally, in bed, Maggie Houston reached for the Tupperware container she'd brought up to her room with her. She sighed as she pried the cover of the container open and closed her eyes once again thinking of those ranch hands and that warm summer night so many years ago. Then she removed the prize and undid her nightgown.

Pax Romano 2004

Thought for today: Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'   -Rodney Dangerfield

humor jokes video funny games zombies monsters undead