From Belgian animator Bert Dombracht.

The Maths Olympics with Simon Pampena is touring around Australia through the rest of this week. (via Professor Funk)

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex
with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her
and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband?

“Oh, that’s easily explained. For the past six months,” the wife says, “I’ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don’t have any money. The cab driver asks me, ‘Are you going to pay today, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.”

“Then, when I get to work,” she continues, “I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’."

"I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, ‘So, are you going to pay this time, or what?’ Again, I take an ‘or what’. So you see, doc, by the time I get home I’m all tired out and don’t want it anymore.”

“Yes, I see,” replies the doctor.

“So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

(via Phil's Phun)

Emily was created by Image Metrics, the same company that created the graphics for the game Grand Theft Auto. Read more about it at the Times Online.

Ariane is at it again! Previously, she sent us a picture pointing us toward a village in England. This time it's a road she came across in her travels. I wonder if it's anywhere near Butthole Lane? (Thanks, Ariane!)

Michael Phelps isn’t like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps can make water run uphill.

Michael Phelps doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult.

Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke.

Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him.

When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps.

Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps.

On the Asian market, Michael Phelps’ urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.

Michael Phelps can dribble a football.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably.

When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn’t get wet. Water gets Michael Phelpsed.

Michael Phelps can divide by zero.

When you Google ‘Michael Phelps losing’ you get no results because it just doesn’t happen. (update: you get one result, about how women wish Michael Phelps would lose his suit while swimming).

Phelps once punched a hole thru a shark just to see down the ocean.

If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he’d win. Period.

Phelps doesn’t sweat, he drips chlorine.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps can eat out a mermaid.

Michael Phelps saved Gepetto from the whale.

Michael Phelps can swim through ice.

When in China, Michael Phelps would order whole chickens but only eat their souls…then do the breast stroke.

You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow.

There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps…. Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time.

People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing.

Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls.

As a child, Phelps didn’t wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps.

As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future.

Phelps taught Aquaman how to swim.

Hurricane Phelps is a sign of the apocalypse; it makes Katrina look like a muddy puddle.

Michael Phelps’ sperm does the backstroke.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Michael Phelps' computer. Michael Phelps is always in control.

Michael Phelps once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Michael Phelps once showed me a video tape of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw.

While urinating, Michael Phelps is easily capable of welding titanium.

When Michael Phelps farts, the Red Sea parts.

Michael Phelps removed his own foreskin with the lid of a tuna can at the age of two. That foreskin now comprises the entire highway system of the town of Des Moines, Iowa.

When Michael Phelps goes fishing, he catches orca.

Michael Phelps brought Pangaea back together so he could enjoy one uninterrupted ocean.

Michael Phelps is will be Obama's running mate. He'll also be McCain's running mate.

Michael Phelps designed the uniforms for Women's Beach Volleyball.

Michael Phelps made Godot wait for him.

When Michael Phelps appears, the lion doesn't just lie down with the lamb, but offers to help with its organic chemistry homework.

Michael Phelps is the new Chuck Norris. And Chuck Norris is fine with that.

(via Bits and Pieces and Gawker)

See more posts on the Olympics.

(via Phil's Phun)

Al Roker and Matt Lauer of The Today Show perform Rhythmic Gymnastics in Beijing. (via Neatorama)

See more Olympic Moments.

Ned was down on his luck in Las Vegas. He had gambled away all his money and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happened to be open, so he used the dime in a slot machine and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings and went to the blackjack table and turned his small winnings into ten million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Ned went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story.

He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would share his fortune with him. After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said,

"I'm that man. I was in Vegas in 1992. I was the one who gave you the dime."

"You're not the one I'm looking for. I'm looking for the guy who left the stall door open!"

(Thanks, Duke!)

I'll take two pounds, as long as it's fresh.

 

I'm doing the Snoopy dance right now! I know this smile will fade when I get into the actual mechanics of moving the family, but for now I'll just celebrate a bit.

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.

”I would do anything to pass this exam,” she says.

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

“I mean,” she whispers, “I would do anything…”

He returns her gaze, “Anything?”

“Anything.” She says

His voice softens, “Anything?”

“Anything,” she repeats again.

His voice turns to a whisper.

“Would you … study?”

(via Phil's Phun)

Twitter users hate it when the server is down. The popular social networking site is often over capacity, which can be like drug withdrawal for hardcore users. But the image you see when Twitter is down brings out the smiles. Everyone loves the Fail Whale! And there are lots of ways people show their love for Yiying Lu's creation. See some of the tributes to Fail Whale at mental_floss.

Disclaimer: I wrote this.  

A woman with synesthesia described what it's like to taste different musical chords. Professor Funk, who is not a synesthete, tries to recreate the sensation using the Imperial March from Star Wars.  (via Of Two Minds)