It’s that time of year! Hello, bugs! All it takes is one drop of Koolaid in the floor and every ant and his brother comes to partake. The pond is full of mosquito larvae, and will be until I get a batch of goldfish that don’t immediately die on me. Yard work means turning over rocks and picking up branches that expose a variety of creepy-crawlies. But what you really notice is the caterpillars. A cherry tree next to the pond produces millions of them, and they are everywhere! My porch broom has dozens spinning cocoons. They are stuck between my tomato seedlings. I have to skim them off the surface of the pond. I occasionally see one on the floor. And I found one in my hair one night! I don’t scare easily, but cleaning up squished tent caterpillars is not my idea of fun. That’s the reason you can’t adopt them as pets, kids.



Stupid Bee Joke

Isabella Rossollini acts out the mating habits of various insects in a video series called Green Porno. It may seem explicit if you are an insect, but there’s no nudity. (via Boing Boing)

Insects look oh-so-gorgeous in the hands of the right photographer.

Do you want to see some really ugly bugs? Get up close and personal with the help of an electron scanning microscope.

The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs in the World.

A Butterfly Destroyed My Roof!

Tarantulas, grasshoppers, and scorpions are just the beginning of insects you can eat. Why do you think they call them “mealworms”?  (via Ursi’s Blog)

Videos of people eating bugs.

Evil Bee, a cool animated music video.

What happens when a bored bumblebee finds an electric razor? This is just bizarre enough that you’ll want to swallow your coffee before you look.

Wasps use venom to turn roaches into zombie slaves. Scientists can reverse the process, leading to a new defense tactic when the zombie invasion comes.

Scientists infiltrate cockroach colonies with robots. Not only were the robots accepted, they became leaders!

Francois Huber invented the modern beehive not for the honey, but to study bee behavior. But he still couldn’t observe them, because he was blind!

How romantic is it when you and your partner share flea bites?

The Largest Insects on Planet Earth. Nine bugs that you don’t want to see in your home!

Japanese Bug Fights is a website that showcases videos of different species of bugs in battle, including both insects and arachnids. Users are invited to submit videos. The rules:
1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights
I posted this to Neatorama, and a shitstorm of comments came in, saying this is cruel and inhuman. What do you think?

Stung by a Bee

A woman runs into the golf course pro shop and screams, "I was just stung by a bee!"
The golf pro asks, "Where?"
Still screaming, the woman replies, "Between the first and second hole."
The pro scratches his head for a moment and replies, "It sounds like your stance is too wide."

POET OGDEN NASH ON INSECTS

THE TERMITE
Some primal termite knocked on wood
And tasted it, and found it good,
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.

THE ANT
The ant has made himself illustrious
Through constant industry industrious.
So what?
Would you be calm and placid
If you were full of formic acid?

THE CENTIPEDE
I objurgate the centipede,
A bug we do not really need.
At sleepy-time he beats a path
Straight to the bedroom or the bath.
You always wallop where he's not,
Or, if he is, he makes a spot.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Insects, Insects and Bugs, Bugs, and Bugs and Insects.

Thought for today: Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

humor jokes video funny games insects bugs

"Oh no! Miss Cellania has completely run out of ideas, if she's down to posting recipes!"

Naw, this is still different. Lately, I've had a lot of fun teaching the kids how to perfectly roast a marshmallow over a bonfire and in the fireplace. We also are trying crystal rock candy, which is a hit-or-miss thing so far. They think that's adventuresome cooking, but they ain't seen nothin yet!

What happens when a bunch of geeks, mechanics, and slackers get hungry? I mean, besides calling Mom. If you don�t have a kitchen, you have to use your imagination, or whatever is lying around. There are some pretty resourceful folks out there!

Poached Salmon in a dishwasher.

Cooking chicken with a volcano.

Recipe for chili using a blowtorch.

Grilled cheese sandwich made with a steam iron.

Prison wine made in a toilet.

Beer in a coffeemaker.

Almost anything made by solar cooker.

How to cook an egg with a cellphone. Since I first published this, I found out it's an urban legend. Don't try it!

Cooking with a car engine is rather well known, thanks to the book Manifold Destiny, but I found an extra recipe thats about as odd as it gets, Manifold Stew.

A chemists recipe for chocolate chip cookies, with a critique from another chemist following. This is funny, IF you can follow it!

Here's a gallery of food that looks like other things.

This one's for the kids: How to make your own marshmallows.

For geeks who can't spare the time to even GO to the kitchen, here's an EZ Bake oven that plugs into your computer.

Recipes of the future, courtesy of the Electric Museum.

This is a great site for anyone who has read this far, Cooking for Engineers.

Recipes that make you afraid to go back in the kitchen.

This link will either scare you off microwaves, or arouse your curiosity. Remember, curiosity killed the cat. Unwise Microwave Oven Experiments.

Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Barbecue
10. Everything on the grill has a long, thin tail.
9. To avoid burning, chicken breasts are covered in Coppertone.
8. The "cole slaw" is just mayonnaise and lawn trimmings.
7. The three-legged race is won by a three-legged guy.
6. Every couple minutes, the cook drops his pants and flips
himself with the spatula.
5. Host tells you the burgers are 20% beef and 80% critter.
4. The steaks have been sitting in marinade sauce all night,
and so has your Uncle Earl.
3. You have to sign a legal waiver before you eat the potato salad.
2. Things seem tense between your hosts, Frank and Kathie Lee.
1. The guests all have grill marks on their foreheads.

This may seem a little off-topic, but it wouldn't fit anywhere else. These recipes use normal cooking methods, but they might come in handy when you have something really strange to cook, like an alligator or armadillo or kangaroo.

 

Previously at Miss Cellania: Barbecue, Cooking, Cooking Food, Geek Cooking, and Recipes. Also see the Food category.

Thought for today: The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is having to eat them.

This post was originally published on November 3rd, 2005. Then I posted it again on April 7th, 2006 saying (at the time) "I said I would post reruns on Fridays until I get a date. OK, now I have a date planned. But I have not yet GONE on a date, so there is a possibility that this won't come off. Just bear with me til then. OK?" Now in 2008, I can reveal that the date was fun, nothing lasting came of it, and now I've been dateless for a year and a half. I'm only posting reruns now because I'm busy blogging for money and my inspiration is running low.

humor jokes video funny recipes cooking tools geek

Mothers Day is a big holiday in my family, one that I am not in the least bit prepared for yet. There are all kinds of mothers to remember. My mother, of course, and my mother-in-law, and that's also two grandmothers for the kids. Then there's me, and I feel responsible for making sure the kids can afford a proper gift for me. At the same time, I try to make sure it's something I might actually like and/or could use. Besides the gifts, I have to work out some kind of schedule to spend time with both sides of the family, since they don't live in the same town. We also try to remember two birthmothers and a foster mother in some way during the holiday. But despite all the hassle, it's kinda nice. Fathers Day is completely different. We don't even mention it anymore, since there are no fathers to be found around here. We will even be out of town for Fathers Day this year, which will make it easier.

Find a really different Mothers Day ecard at WrongCards, like the one in today's title picture.

Hot Mom

If Mom offers you advice on sex, you may want to die inside, but listen to her. (may be NSFW)

Triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, and more may seem almost commonplace now compared to years past, at least to those of us who just read about them. But they are anything but commonplace to parents who find themselves suddenly leading a large family!

Mom, I know you're there. (via Look at This)

Ask any man when he last phoned his mother, and he will pull a guilty face.

French author Michel Houellebecq vented a lifetime of anger at his mother in a novel. Now she’s writing a novel of her own to pay him back!

Editors' Picks: Mother's Day Photos. (via Dark Roasted Blend)

THE MOMMY TEST

(Thanks, Jeanine!)
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.

Motherhood vs Prison

In prison, you get three square meals a day.

At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. You eat their leftovers.

In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.

At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation.

In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.

At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.

At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.

In prison, all your medical care is free.

At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.

At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.

In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.

At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else's space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison, you get your own personal toilet.

At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you're done so you can do something for them.

In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.

At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean.

In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.

At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.

In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.

At home, you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.

In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn't. Doesn’t that make you want to go out and do something illegal?

 

 

Previously at Miss Cellania: Motherhood and Mother's Day

Thought for today: A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.  ~Tenneva Jordan

humor jokes video funny games motherhood mom Mothers Day mother parenting

This is the place where I try to put some personal anecdote about the topic of the day, but I’m a bit dry on that supply for medical stuff. See, I haven’t been to a doctor in several years, and certainly not since I lost my health insurance along with my last punch-the-clock job. Self-employed people just can’t afford that kind of luxury. I know that lowers my chances of meeting an unmarried doctor, but an office call never was a great strategy for that. You’d come across as either unhealthy or hypochondriac. I have plenty of relatives with funny doctor stories, but that would violate blogger-family member confidentiality rules. As if there were such a thing.



I’m a Doctor, Not a....

A Hypochondriac's Twitter Chain.

Gynecologists say the darndest things.

Medical Confessions. Five doctors spill the beans about annoying patients, malpractice, how much they drink, and more. (via Dark Roasted Blend)

A 16th century Japanese medical text included illustrations of the mythical creatures that cause disease when they invade the body. Although the basic concept proved to be true, bacteria and viruses were not visible at the time. The fanciful depictions and descriptions are a hoot, considering what we know now! (via Everlasting Blort)

Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?"
Nurse: "No change yet. "

Patient: "Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
Nurse: "Have you seen a doctor?"Patient: "No, just spots."

The Physical

(via Fark)
So this fella goes into the doctor's office for his annual physical. The doctor comes in, looks at him for a moment, and says,

"You need to stop masturbating".

"Why?"

"So I can do the exam."

A Short History of Medicine

I have an earache:

2000 B.C. -Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. -That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. -That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. -That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. -That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. -That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.    

Penis Problem

(via Phil’s Phun)
This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute.

A week later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green lump on the end of his penis. The doctor does a thorough exam, then pulls down a weighty medical book and flicks through it till he finds what he's looking for.

He looks up and says, "I'm afraid this is serious. We'll have to operate!"

"Operate?", exclaims the fellow, "Why, Doc? What's the problem?"

"Well, you know how boxers can get a cauliflower ear? You've developed the same sort of thing. You've got a brothel sprout."

Anaesthetists Hymn by Amateur Transplants

Previously at Miss Cellania: Doctor, Medical Practice, Medicine, Health Insurance, and Bad Medicine.

Thought for today: When the x-ray specialist married one of his patients, everybody wondered what he saw in her.

humor jokes video funny games medicine doctor nurse hospital medical