Happy Minute

(via Bits and Pieces)

Lucky House



Or maybe not. (via Bits and Pieces)

One Letter Difference

(via Buzzfeed)

Afternoon Links

10 Secrets of the Vatican Exposed.

6 Amazing Animals That Practically Lived Forever.

The Colon Rectum, and Other Weirdly-named Animals.

The Caging of America. Six million people in prison is more than Stalin had in the Gulag. (via Metafilter)

Misfit Zeitgeist. Some really neat observations on what the world has become for creative people.

Mr. Toilet Talks Some Shit. In a serious way.

"No is an extraordinarily complicated word when you're drunk." Alcohol and Sex. An excerpt from the book Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. (via Metafilter)  

Anne Billson knows that the cat Jonesy is much more important to the 1979 film Alien than most viewers realize. So she wrote the story of the spaceship Nostromo and its crew from Jonesey's point of view. (via Maximum Verbosity)

Iron Sky Official Trailer

I first posted about Iron Sky in about 2008, although it feels like it's even older. The concept is killer, but getting financing and production work done has taken forever, but the feature film is finally ready! In an alternate timeline of history, Nazis colonized the moon in order to launch a new invasion of Earth. After years in development, Iron Sky will premiere at the Berlin Film Festival next month. Read more about it at Film Drunk.

The Dark Hand

Under a Dark Hand. Vanity of vanity. Folly of folly. The wild allurement of gain and pride. Dizzy existences. Final catastrophe. (via Mostly Forbidden Zone)

I Get Mail

I received this email lin response to the post True Southerners.

Dear miss cellania,

Every time I see this, I get galled. Gall or Galled, past tense, is a rare termed used my old men in the southern united states to tell someone they were upset. For example, 'I was about all galled up when I read your post concerning the use of hissy and conniption'. Or, 'it just about gets my gall every time I read that post, it's wrong'. I don't know who told you, maybe a misinformed yankee or maybe a southerner trying to keep you confused. So, I overwhelmingly felt the need to explain so that you can change it or fix it or do something to it so it doesn't gall me anymore. Southern is a very complex and nuanced language and if you didn't grow up here, you can easily miss the real meaning behind words and phrases that are commonly used. There are a hundred dialects and much of it is in context so you must understand that even in writing, it's a little difficult to portray the full idea behind the southern spoken word. Hope you enjoy it.

Here I go.

Most people get upset every now and then. It's a normal thing so here in the southern part of the united states, we have a few words and terms to help us describe some of the levels of upsetness.

Ever once in a while, you become upset, that's just normal every day behavior. However, some times we go beyond that and here are a few terms to help you let people know just how upset someone is and how to use the words, hissy, fit and conniption.

Example 1. Now don't you go an have a hissy fit. Meaning, please don't get upset. Other examples are, don't you go and have a hissy fit lil missy, Or, your momma threw a hissy fit the other day, Or, your daughter had a hissy the other night. As a man, I may not want to say this right in front of a woman if I don't want her to have a hissy fit. It could make her fit to be tied. Although sometimes, gay men can use these phrases and with a few well placed inflections, get away with it because it then has other subtler meanings. Lesbians and hair dressers can use these terms with all kinds of layers and depth and insinuations that go beyond the scope of this little essay.

Notice how I use females in these examples. Hissy fit is a term applied to and primarily used for girls, rarely but sometimes women, for sure women acting like girls, and oddly enough, other creatures that are not guys. So, Hissy is mostly a female designation. Frequently using the term hissy fit by a regular man implies in the context that it, the hissy fit, was a minor thing, nothing to really get upset about. Eg. She was havin a hissy fit for no good reason.

I can see how you may have the 'pitch' misunderstanding because you can pitch or throw a ball. But you can only 'pitch a fit'. For example, 'she was raring to pitch a fit, but I calmed her down'. You are allowed to drop the word 'fit' sometimes and just have a hissy, 'well, why don't you just go on and have a hissy 'bout it then?'

In this next case. You can, however, say, throw a big ol hissy fit, or, pitch a big ol hissy fit. Meaning she was so upset that she drug out the hissy fit for a long time. When women say this about men, it's insulting, in other words, he was and should stop acting like a little girl. This is no offense to little girls, it's cute when they have a hissy fit, and frequently we all laugh about it.

In politics we often refer to those old men up there in the white house havin hissy fits over things that don't really matter too much when they ought to be havin conniptions over things that are much more important.

Example 2. She was fit to be tied. Meaning, she was upset, or, getting ready to carry through on a threat to get upset. Or, sometimes it can mean she was close to being upset. You can use 'fit to be tied' with either gender. Although some men would argue that the phrase fits a woman better. If he says this to you about her, you can probably guess that he used a phrase like, 'well, you don't need to have a hissy fit about it'. Fit to be tied expresses the fact that someone has become highly emotional and you probably have only one chance to calm them down. Or, sometimes it means that someone is upset and they ain't very likely going to get over it none to soon, but will most likely just be mad about it all day. Some one might say they are 'carrying on about it'.

Example 3. She 'bout had a conniption. Meaning, she became very upset and showed it. Sometimes it means she almost got upset but then calmed down. But mostly it means she was very upset and I'm still alive to tell you about it. A conniption is distinctly and by far, worse than a hissy fit. It's also a bit more mature. Generally, ladies approximately over the age of twenty-one, have proper conniptions. Having a conniption is getting really, really upset. Blow your top kind of upset. A very quick onset of upsetness. You can use conniption to describe just how upset a woman can get. If your woman has a conniption, she'll probably never get over it and you can bet your bottom dollar she'll either always remember it or bring it up every time you meet her again. Although you can also describe a man getting upset in such a way that he reminds you of a woman getting upset which is why you would use the term when talking about a guy. Between guys, it's like a verbal punch on the arm. Sort of like saying, 'well, you don't have to have a conniption about it'. Meaning, you don't have to get all upset about it, it's just a little thing. Insinuating that he's acting like a grown woman.

When referring to a woman, A conniption means you've crossed the line. There is no going back. She's upset beyond measure. 'Please' and 'I'm sorry' don't work when your woman has a conniption. Give up, save your self and go back later. Hopefully after a day or two she'll just act like she's fit to be tied and will just have hissy fit after shocks for a few years.

I want to show you a few more examples just to get you away from that god awful pitch a conniption of the likes I ain't never heard of. You don't say that. It doesn't even roll off the tongue properly. You don't pitch a hissy either. Where you from?

Other examples. You can throw a hissy, which is sort of rare, or have a hissy which is just kind of ignorant because you are having a hissy fit. So more properly you have a hissy fit, you don't generally 'throw' a hissy fit. It's just not proper use of the language. You don't throw a hissy fit, you have one. Eg. Last night, louann had a hissy fit. See how that works? When you are talking to your woman and she's getting ready to have a hissy fit, sometimes you can time your response just right and say, as you throw your arms up in the air, 'alright, alright, don't have a hissy fit about it'. Usually she'll raise up one of eye brows to show her displeasure at your attitude but by that time, hope fully you've walked in the direction away from her and toward what ever it is you are supposed to be doing, that will prevent you from telling your friends later about the time your lady was fixin to pitch a fit. You don't have to show your scar.

One more example. When ol' bubba started pitchin a fit about gettin his trash up out of the floor, and then got to talkin back to betty sue, Boy, she was fit to be tied. She started throwing a hissy fit and I opened my big mouth and wouldn't you know it, she 'bout had a conniption. See how that works? Havin a hissy fit can make you fit to be tied which could cause you to have a conniption. Hope this clears it all up for you. Now, I'm not going to sign my name because my wife might have a conniption over what I just said.

I, of course, responded:

Bless your heart.

MC

The Garden Plate

Garden Plate | $14.95

Do you have a fussy eater on your hands? Make meals fun again with the Garden Plate from the NeatoShop! This fabulous plate comes complete with ramps and breaks to separate food into groupings. And it's decorated with tiny garden plants! It is specially designed to work with the Garden Utensil Set (sold separately). Dishwasher and microwave safe. Playing with your food just got a whole lot more fun! The Garden Plate is part of a wide selection of mealtime fun products in the NeatoShop.

Animal Fears

From Jeff Wysaski at Pleated Jeans.

Drunk History: The South Pole

I used to post links to Phil Jacobsen's blog when he told us all about living in Antarctica in 2006. Then he moved elsewhere. Now he's back at the bottom of the world! No blog this time around, but he and Sandwich Girl and friends made this video about the race to the South Pole which took place 100 years ago. Phil has apparently imbibed quite a bit of human antifreeze, and the language is occasionally NSFW. But it's really funny, so set aside 17 minutes sometime this weekend to enjoy the retelling. (Thanks, Phil!)

Miss Cellania's Links

Dance Moms and Toddlers & Tiaras are popular train wreck reality shows, which may verge on child abuse. Which is more exploitive: putting pressure on kids to perform, or recording their childhoods for an audience to ridicule?

Imagine AMC's series The Walking Dead as an '80s family sitcom, complete with the proper theme music. Silly? Go see for yourself.

Microwaves Ruin Everything shows you all kinds of things that shouldn't be microwaved -in slow motion. I'd have to disagree about the Ivory Soap, that's always a hoot.

Jaipur's Elephant Festival is like a big beauty pageant for pachyderms. They show up with painted faces, bejeweled clothing, and bells on their toes!

The Origin of the Beatles Haircut.

Meme Watch: ‘2/10, Would Not Bang’ Is Here To Help Point Out The Flaws You May Have Missed.

How my cat sees things.

An Illusion

(Thanks, Duke!)

Smitty Watches Marmaduke

Smitty loves this movie. He'll want to see it again and again, the way tweens watch Titanic. (via Buzzfeed)

State Mottos

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: Jeez, it's cold.

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes. Well Okay, Not Really, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: Where one of your dad's friends lives

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl - It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family - Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wisconsin: Come Smell our Dairy Air

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men (And The Sheep Are Scared)



State of the Nation

(via reddit)