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Overheard

And this, fellow readers, is why Miss Cellania is probably the best writer we've ever had. A thing of beauty. -YesButNoButYes

...Miss Cellania who’s wonderfully funny and knowledgeable and also happens to write for Mental Floss. Her personal blog is updated as often as any multi-contributor blog site and has some wonderful gems... -Infinite Well

Miss Cellania has links, doctored-up photos staring Miss C. herself and YouTube videos from anywhere and everywhere on the internet. If it's funny, you'll probably see it first on her blog. -Suzanne Broughton

Miss Cellania has a site that is to die for. Whenever it’s time for a bit of a smile, interspersed with a gaffaw or two, I head on over there. -Compass Points

If you’re jonesing for more links you may want to visit Miss Cellania’s blog. Or should I say blogs. She’s like the blogosphere’s version of that Jamaican family from In Living Color. She has more blogs than they had jobs. If she starts contributing to one more blog I’m going to stage an intervention. -Cynical-C

I could never in a million years come up with half the wonderful facts, news, links et al that pepper every post she creates. -Mad Baggage

It’s a fantastic set of funny and interesting links, jokes and pictures that she compiled *every day*! -Neatorama

She finds the coolest, funniest stuff day after day. How on earth she does this I have no clue. -NYC Educator

I don't even know how I found Miss C, but I remember the first time I was there, I burned my chocolate chip cookies. I just couldn't stop browsing! Fun stuff over there. -Boomer Chick

If you're not regularly heading over and reading her well compiled, link-filled-goodness posts already, then maybe you should take a step back and do some self reflection and introspection to make sure your life is headed the direction it needs to be and that you're on a path that is fulfilling to you and your fellow man, as a person and as an American. -Hoodlumman

Funniest woman alive. -Pixie

It is quite possibly one of the most extensive sites I have seen for links to humourous content. It is a virtual encyclopedia for a myriad of different jokes on different topics and still growing. So a good site and worth checking out, theres definitely something for everyone, or anyone whos up for a laugh that is! -Mr. Joe Blog

BTW - you quite possibly put together the best, most well researched content on the web, bigtime kudos to you! -Anita B

One place I keep going back to is Miss Cellania. She really has it going on over there. Her posts are chock full of stuff I've never seen before, along with a few old favorites I had forgotten about. Anyone that can consistently come up with that much good stuff deserves kudos. -Blue Beaver Beer

Miss Cellania - is a great read, and there’s more than enough laughs to kill an evening with, on any given day. Miss C has her fingers on the pulse of every joke on the web that you haven’t seen yet. -Saskboy

(Funny, if a tad lowbrow) -Utopia Moment

Fabulous as usual..I appreciate all of the effort..and I am truly humbled. -Homo Escapeons

I'm not even sure why I thought her post is funny, but it is. That's all you're getting from me. Go read it. -konagod

YAY! Miss Cellania knows I'm alive!! -Fuzzy Dave

Gifts

thinkingbloggerpf8.jpgawardcoolcrazygold.jpgBe The Blog award

Thursday
Sep022010

Now THAT'S a Warning!

 

See also: Parking and Parking Lot.

Thursday
Sep022010

Ma and Pa Kettle do Math

 

Makes sense to me!

 

Thursday
Sep022010

Kevin

 

(via Fark)

Thursday
Sep022010

No Touch Table System

I had read that eating with your fingers is so alien to Japanese culture that KFC issued gloves to patrons when they first opened in Japan. Now I have further corroboration of this. Have you ever even considered using a utensil to eat potato chips? (via Everlasting Blort)

Thursday
Sep022010

Men's Merit and Demerit Guide

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings......+5
In the snow .....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College
drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-500

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in
responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......-100
Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her
saying "well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000   

Game Over - YOU LOSE

(via Bits and Pieces)

Lots more of this nonsense is filed under Mars and Venus.

Wednesday
Sep012010

Easy Open Locks



Now why would they want to go and do that? (via Criggo)

Wednesday
Sep012010

Oktapodi

 

A graduation project by several students at the French animation school Gobelins: Julian Bocabeille (who now works for Dreamworks), FX Chanioux, Olivier Delabarre, Thierry Marchand, Quentin Marmier, and Emud Mokhberi. See a list of awards and a making-of featurette at the Ocktapodi site. (Thanks, Bill!)

 

Wednesday
Sep012010

Follow Your Dreams



(via Bits amd Pieces)

Wednesday
Sep012010

Rock in Black

I love to play mashups like this to confuse my children. 

 

Wednesday
Sep012010

Homework Policy

School is back in session, or will be for just about everyone by next week. As always, with a new year come new rules, new teachers, new schedules, and a new homework policy.

Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night.

Nightly Homework Schedule
15 minutes looking for the assignment
11 minutes calling a friend to get the assignment
23 minutes explaining to parents why the teacher is mean and really does not like children
8 minutes in the bathroom
10 minutes getting a snack
7 minutes checking the TV Guide
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the homework
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom (Dad, brother, sister) to do the assignment

Long Term Assignments
These are given the night before they are due. "Long Term" is a commitment to time that begins at 9:30 pm and ends at 11:50 pm.

It is important that the whole family is involved in the project so: It is imperative that one family member race to Wal*Mart for poster board, folder, colored pens, etc. (This may require multiple trips)

It is imperative that one family member ends up in tears (does not have to be student) One parent needs to stay up and complete the project. (This may required several hours on the internet researching the problem) The other parent needs to call the school to leave a message that the student will be out sick the following day.

(Thanks, Linda!)

 



Wednesday
Sep012010

The Yellow House

House August 2008
I see that it's been two years since I bought my house.

House August 2010
This is what it looks like two years later. You can see I added a second floor, a tree, a foundation garden, hanging baskets, and rocking chairs. If you like, you can click the "read more" button to see more pictures of my flowers.

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Sep012010

Beer Facts from Around the World

There's a very specific ritual for sharing a beer in Peru. Beer was once brewed in New Zealand to treat scurvy. And brewers like to drink at work in Denmark. These and lots of other facts about beer in countries around the world are collected in a new post I wrote for Neatorama.

Wednesday
Sep012010

Can't Work

Wednesday
Sep012010

Dueling Sitars

Comedian Bill Bailey and a talented sitarist recorded at Wembley Arena in 2007. (via Arbroath) 

Wednesday
Sep012010

Link Dump

The Girl Called Polly Nomial. This story is either mathematic or pornographic, or maybe both.

Shomer-Tec has a page of merchandise for sale called "Revenge Products." There are gadgets that disable electronics or just annoy people, and bottles of nasty things like Liquid Roadkill. (via J-Walk Blog)

King Tut’s Family Secrets. DNA analysis reveals a lot of the missing details in his 3,300-year-old story.

If Websites Were Pets, we could select those that have personality traits which mesh with our own. Or we could just laugh at the similarities to our furry friends. 

Piano Accompanist Needed. Proof of diplomatic immunity is a plus. (via Nag on the Lake)

Groucho Marx on What's My Line.